Too many changes happening in my life. Combine that with the fact that Ro uses our only laptop for his work translating, finding the time to write blogs is rare if not non-existent. But I do think I need to write SOMETHING, for god's sake. I owe it to myself to document this very emotional and monumental time in our lives.
First, I am pregnant.
Second, we are leaving Brazil.
Third, we are going to re-assimilate back into North-American Culture.
While I think about these three things OFTEN, I'm fairly calm and not overly worried about the uncertainty of the near future. Uncertain simply because we are re-starting our lives once again (ie. finding jobs, finding housing, finding our social circle). On a positive note, we're going back to a place we've been before. On a terrifying note, nothing will be the same as it was when we left, 2 1/2 years ago.
Maybe it's my style to go kind of numb to these changes until I'm actually experiencing them. I'm so anxious to get them started. Maybe it doesn't feel as terrifying as I think it should because it's not the first time we've done something big and life-altering. I know everything always works out in the end.
So, maybe it's really just the anticipation that's taking me over... To be honest, and no disrespect meant to any of my friends here in Brazil, I'm finding it very easy this time to cut ties. Leaving Canada was so much more intense, so many tears, so much insecurity. I'm in an infinitely different place in life this time and know how much I'm capable of... I think all who have made the move to another country can agree that we've been to the breaking point once or twice without actually breaking.
But, what will my friendships be like once I'm back? Will they change? When they change, will there still be common ground? Will I be able to balance my friendships, a new baby, a new/old life, as a different person?
Now I'm overanalyzing... the whole main reason we're going back is to have our baby. Neither of us have jobs that are keeping us tied to Brazil. Healthcare is public and wonderful in Canada. I can use a midwife that is also covered under the healthcare system. I will be close to my mom. We will have more security, more stability, great local programming... I'm really really looking forward to being back.
Do any of you have fears about moving back to your home countries?