My love/hate relationship with Sleep

I have a dysfunctional relationship with sleep.

Don't get me wrong... I love sleeping.  If I were to chart my history with sleep, I'd say it's been a pretty good ride.

But let's look at functional sleep of an average person.  When we're babies we sleep a lot. Probably... 15 hours a day, let's say.  Then into our teens we started to realize that staying up was more fun - especially to watch a movie, or stay awake at a sleepover.  Into our adult years, we develop a real appreciation for sleep as we look forward to that deep state of relaxation after a hard day's work.

Well, I did say I have a dysfunctional relationship with sleep, didn't I?

You see, I feel like I'm living in a constant state of sleepiness.  It has stopped me from doing things I like - being social, going to the gym, eating healthy, even *gasp* having sex. Because I'm always tired.  And when you're tired, well it's a lot of effort to roll over and ask for a snuggle.

The real problem for me is that no matter how tired I am, or how little sleep I got the night before,  around 9:30/10 pm I am, as the Brazilians would say, 'electric'.  I have lots of energy and produce some of my best work at that time!  It's the time I choose to start planning my classes for the next day and then consequently I am in bed around midnight every night.

And I wake up at 5 am.  So you do the math.

The mornings are so difficult.  I usually hit my beloved snooze button for 30 mins before literally forcing myself to get out of bed, where I often shower with my eyes closed.  Sometimes I wake up 15 mins later than I should (and I already wake up with less time than I actually need!) convincing myself that I don't need to dry my hair or put on makeup today!  Or it's ok if I'm 10 minutes late!  This is Brazil!

I walk around like a zombie after getting only around 5 hours of sleep a night 5 days out of the week.
And every day I get home, die nap, eat, watch tv, plan classes at 10, and repeat.

And I know I'm not alone out there!  So many of us are living this way!  As if it's a test to see who can function the best on the least amount of sleep.  We get through our days with coffee, energy drinks, sugar and sheer will-power.  It's torture, I tell you! 

So I am taking a stand.  I am saying NO MORE!  No more 'napping' from 6-8 pm.  No more eating a big meal after waking up from said 'nap'.  No more staying awake just to watch more TV, since it's a show I don't even care about anyway!

No, I'm taking these steps.

• I am going to get organized
• I'm going to plan my classes before sitting down to relax or going to the gym.  
• I'm going to go to the gym as soon as I'm finished my class planning  
• When I get home I need to eat a small meal
• I want to be in bed by 10 pm and read to relax me into a peaceful sleep.... (that being said, it's 10 pm right now and look at what I'm doing... DAMMIT!)

My MIL also told me to take Maracujina, which is like passion fruit extract (you all know how these Brazilians think that passionfruit helps you sleep!)  Well, I'm not turning anything down so I'm taking it as well and we'll see what happens....

Anyone else have helpful suggestions as to what helps you sleep at night??

My Online and (Offline?) Worlds Collide...

This weekend was such a whirlwind of 'new' that I feel today should be Saturday.  I need a weekend from my weekend.

But Oh!  What a weekend it was!  I suppose you could say this is the pinnacle of what all blogging communities could hope to achieve - to get out from behind the computers and talk IN REAL LIFE about, well, everything.  Actually, I've been speaking sooo much English this weekend it was almost as if I were on a vacation from Rio, while simultaneously enjoying more than I knew it had to offer!  So many amazing people to connect with.  Such great conversation, sharing of ideas, and discovering, in so much more detail, other foreign experiences of Life In Brazil. 

I was even lucky enough to go beyond the amazing Blog Meetup and spend the rest of the weekend with Jim (who was an incredible host and who makes DELICIOUS pies!), Rachel (hilarious and entertaining as always!) and of course, the guest of honour for the weekend, Danielle (who is 10x better than I could have expected!) 

It's pretty big, meeting up with these people.  I'm sure many others can relate when I say that reading blogs has helped me through one hard time or another.  I read blogs while in anticipation of my move to Brazil, and have read them all the way through.  This community has been a really solid form of support for me and without it I'm not sure what sort of outlet I would've had.  So, that's why when I say it was a gigantic honour to spend time with these guys, whose words have helped me more than they know, you can all understand where I'm coming from. 

This blog meet-up was a huge success!  I hope that many more (meetings and bloggers!) come out of the shadows in the near future... 

Saude!

It is NOT cheap to live in Brazil

Today's post is brought to you by the letter F.  F-RUSTRATED.  Consider yourselves warned for a rant.

WHY?  This is my first question.  WHY is it so impossible to make a comfortable life in Brazil?  Ok.  That's a complete exaggeration.  I'm not 'uncomfortable' per say.  But I'm being completely cock-blocked by the Brazilian class system!

Why is it it that I don't have the option to live 'wherever I want to' in Rio?  I guess that's more accurate.  Ok, I don't want to live in a mansion with aquarium walls and butlers.  I just want to live in a neighborhood with culture and convenience.  I want to be able to walk to the supermarket EASILY.  I want to be able to catch ONE bus to work, not two or three.  I want to live less than 30 mins from downtown, ideally RIGHT downtown (right now we live about 2 hours from).  I want to live close to a bookstore.  I want to have a variety of restaurant options (not just rice and beans), possibly some places with live music (not just MPB).  Shit, I want to have a martini and I don't even drink martinis.

I live in a neighborhood that is classified as a "C" Class neighborhood, although that title was probably given by "A" Class citizens.  What's after "C" class?  I guess favelas... ?  It's not even the money, or lackthereof, that gets to me.  It's the lack of convenience and culture specifically.  It's like the affordable neighborhoods have been pushed and pushed away to the outskirts of society.

I have obviously been conditioned after spending 5 years living on my own in Toronto, but in Toronto all you have to do is choose.  And even the lower-end apartments are pretty awesome and are downtown.  I pay the same amount of money (in relation to my salary) living in Jacarepagua that I did living in a fully equipped condo, right downtown Toronto.

What I don't understand, and what I can't accept, is why there is so much class-ism in Rio.  Classes are divided in a disturbing way.  My husband and I work HARD and, in my opinion, do fairly well financially.  I have always lived very comfortably in the middle class, but even though my salary is similar to home, here I live in almost low class.  We have to choose housing that is so far away in the 'suburbs'.  We can't even afford to live in Barra, which again in my opinion, IS INSANELY OVERPRICED.  BARRA IS CRAP AND YOU NEED A CAR TO LIVE THERE.  WHY OH WHY WOULD PEOPLE BE CHARGING R$3000 A MONTH FOR A ONE BEDROOM IN BARRA DA TIJUCA??????  THERE IS NOTHING IN BARRA!!!!!

Living in Barra is the equivalent of living in Scarborough, across from Scarborough Town Centre.  Oh, awesome, you live near a mall. 

I am shaking my head.  It's infuriating how much of a glass ceiling exists in Brazil.  Today's apartment search made me hate Rio and the person who is responsible for making independent living so unattainable.  Congratulations Rio.  You live in a Stone Age.  An unequal opportunity Stone Age.

Today's post is also brought to you by the letter G.  Gah!!!!!

American Party

It's a complete coincidence that this post is falling on the 4th of July; it has nothing to do with America's Independence Day.  (First because I'm Canadian, and second because it's just not).

It IS about a concept that is new/strange/totally uncommon amongst Brazilians (at least in MY circle of Brazilians, before you Brazilian readers blow your socks off).  This concept is the POTLUCK party.

As the picture indicates, a Potluck party means that all guests need to bring a plate of food to share!  What an awesome concept, you say?  I KNOW!

However, when I presented the idea to our B-zilly poss, EVERYBODY'S HEADS EXPLODED.  I kid you not.  Nobody could really comprehend the idea.  "We have to BRING something?"  "We have to COOK it OURSELVES?"  "We can't just bring a bottle of wine??"  YES, YES AND NO!

Now, I understand that there are several possible reasons that this misunderstanding existed.

1. I was writing a Facebook Party Invitation in Portuguese.  Perhaps there was a little bit of language barrier.  But even after I seeked the help of a Brazilian friend who wrote the actual message for me, we were still met with confusion.
2. I was trying to describe the party, calling it a Potluck.  I didn't realize there is already a name for this party.  It's called an American Party.  Go figure.
3. This was a birthday party.  In Brazil, you do not bring anything (minus a gift - which is always a tshirt???) to a birthday party.  It's fine to bring food to a Festa Junina.  But a birthday party, no.  Usually birthday parties are at a restaurant, or they're catered, or feature a full pizza rodizio, or maybe MAYBE the host will prepare the food, but asking people to bring food has quite possibly never ever happened in the History of Birthday Parties in Brazil.  Ever.  (Based on complete non-fact).
4. Finally, once everyone seemed to understood the concept of a Potluck, they could not understand why they had to physcially make the dish themselves.  This was by far the most challenging aspect.  I was met with 'I have no idea what to cook", "I don't know how to cook!", and "I'll ask my mom to cook something."  Crazy!!!!

With all do respect to my crazy, lovable, Brazilian peeps, I know things are different here.  That being said, after all of the confusion, everybody managed to come up with something totally awesome and creative to bring and the result was a table FULL of delicious home-cooked food to share!

And of course, we provided all the drinks, including a full make-your-own caipirinha station.  That's how the Potluck works!  

Woohoo!  I did it!  Maybe this is the start of more Potlucks to come here in Brazil.  For us, parties at home are where it's at.  Here are a few of my tips on how to make your party more special (and cheap!).

• Create an event on Facebook and message your guests regularly.  You don't have to be annoying; just remind them and get them excited for the big event.  
• Decorate with unexpected surprises - for example, 10 balloons are cool but 100 balloons are stupidly cool!!!
• Stick to one colour (or two) for a classier look.  We went with green and silver and used streamer paper to put on the tables and then covered them in plastic for protection. 
• Rearrange the furniture to make sure people aren't separated from each other.  Or if they have to be, at least so there are distinct areas (we had a sit-down conversation circle and a games area)
• Expect that there will be spills and messes to clean up.  Have lots of paper towel ready.
• Make sure you have too much.  Too much alcohol.  Too much food.  Too many napkins.  Too many plates/forks/knives.  You never know how much people will want to indulge!
• You better make sure that music is pumpin'!  Make a great playlist that will keep going for a few hours so you don't start repeating. 

Happy Partying!  Oh, and P.S.  Happy Birthday to the love of my life!

The Love of my Nina

I have had cats in my life.  Several in fact.  Some belonged to the family and some were mine alone.  But I've never experienced the kind of love, companionship and joy that my little Siamese, Nina, gave me.  In fact, I believe I shared a relationship with her that is rare even in animal-person relationships.  You see, our first ride home from Sao Paulo, my little kitty cried for 6 hours, but stared at me deeply, right into my eyes with her own soulful eyes.  She looked at me deeply that way, making eye contact,  for her whole life.  It was moving.  I shared with her complete trust and devotion.  She was a warm-bodied friend who kept me company for many lonely nights that I spent during my first year in Brazil.

During our first year, Ro worked almost exclusively at night.  Combine that with a language barrier, homesickness, and not having many (any) friends, Nina brought me pure happiness just by staying close to me and clearly 'choosing' me, just as I had 'chosen' her. 
She licked my tears.  She sat in my lap and purred her soft comforting purr.  She 'helped' me plan classes,  watched Sex in the City with me, and helped me finish my ice cream.  There was no need to buy her a cat bed because we slept together every night in the bed that we shared.  It was our room.  The three of us.  She was our 'baby child'.

Although I could never imagine the loss of a child, the thought of losing her was inconceivable.  Even before I knew she was sick, I couldn't imagine life without her.  I planned my life with her in it.  I imagined growing older, having human babies with Ro, moving to Canada, etc etc and all the while having Nina by our side.

Although it's been said before, the unconditional love of a pet is like nothing else - it's beyond words that I'm even capable of expressing.  And truly, the only downside to having a pet is losing them.

Nina was The Queen.  She had the run of the house.  At night, when she chose to sleep at the foot of the bed, or settle down against my back, we would do everything we could not to disrupt her, careful not to create too much noise or agitate her enough to run away.  The same way I felt pure joy inside when I felt her jump onto the bed, I felt sincere sadness when she got annoyed and jumped down.  I missed her when I was out but knew as soon as I stepped out of the elevator down the hall, she would be listening and meowing at the door until I opened it.  She was waiting for me every. single. time.

Without words Nina was able to communicate clearly and loudly what she wanted.  Siamese cats are known for being very vocal.  She had approximately 7 different cries and she exercised her voice all the time, much to my delight.  She wanted water from the tap, she saw a bug on the wall, she wanted a kiss, she wanted Jose (our other cat) to leave her alone, she wanted more petting (that one was more of a series of trills), she was standing in the hallway and nobody was there and she just wanted someone to come in and look at her.  Each meow unique.  Each one like music. 

She's the only living creature in the world that I would let lick my mouth and also put her butt right in my face.  Well, the butt in the face wasn't really that great.  But the licks on the mouth every morning and night were so so wonderful and I miss them so so much.

Sunday night, Brazilian Valentine's Day, Nina didn't come to sleep with me in bed.  Ro said she also didn't come to the door when he came in from work.  Monday morning, Nina crawled into my bedroom just before I was leaving for work, let out one sad meow and lay down on the floor.  She was having obvious difficulty breathing.  Right away I called work to cancel my classes so we could take her to the vet.


We spent 12 hours that day driving to 3 different vet offices.  She had blood taken, x-rays done, oxygen given, an IV inserted... It was discovered that she had fluid in her lungs and around her heart and had developed pneumonia.  She hadn't even shown any signs of being sick.

Breathing was getting harder and harder for her, especially with the added stress of the car rides and various strangers poking and prodding her.  We were advised to take her home after the 2nd vet, to let the antibiotics work and to let her relax a little, but from there things took a turn for the worse.  When she could barely lift her head and started vomiting blood, we knew we had to take her to emergency.  She died 2 hours later on the table, terribly, but in our arms.


I will never forget the last hours we spent with our baby.  She was so weak but she kept lifting her head to make eye contact with me.  She asked for the special chin rubs that her daddy gave best.  I felt that she knew we were with her until the end and I want to her know that we really were.


I was lucky to have Nina in my life.  My only solace in her sudden death comes from my belief that her purpose here, in her short one and a half years, was to help me through my first year in Brazil.  I believe that, because that is exactly what she did.  I hope that she is spreading her love and warmth to others who need her now.
 Nina, my baby, I miss you so much and I will love you forever. 

Holiday Time!

La la la!  I'm off to Mexico today for a very exciting holiday!  A very good Canadian friend of mine is getting married in Mexico so we're off to the land of sombreros, tequila and mariachis!  Don't forget your poncho!

I felt it necessary to point out that my friend is Canadian (living in Canada) and not Brazilian because everyone who I've told about this wedding thinks that having a wedding abroad is 'que chique'.  And, well, I suppose it is, but the fact is travel from Canada is so relatively cheap!

Travel from Brazil, I'll have you know, is not.

In fact, its hella complicated!  For one thing, the all-inclusive resort concept is only just starting to creep into people's collective travel brains.
(In the collective-thought Brazilian-travel-brain, people go (and want to go - for unknown reasons even... this is a collective thought brain) to New York, Miami, and most recently Cancun - I will bet you a million dollars that if you ask any Brazilian where they would travel to if they could go anywhere, they would say one of those 3 places.  And if it's Europe, they want to go to Portugal.)

So because this kind of travel is not so common here, we booked though wedding package group but had to book a flight separately.  Booked through orbitz.com (which had the best prices of all) but finding a flight for $800 return each (yay!) means that we're taking about 4 flights to get to the wedding (boooourns!!!!!!) 

We are not going to Cancun (thank God for that!  Please don't go to Cancun.... it's way way way too touristy)  We are going to Puerto Vallarta (I'm sure will be touristy as well but it's less popular) and after the week in PVR we'll be branching out to 'backpack' some cities.  Actually, I'm not bringing a backpack this time, so we'll be branching out to 'suitcase' some cities.

On the itinerary is Guadalajara, Guanajuato and final stop Mexico City.  Caaaaaaaaan't Wait!  This will be my 3rd time in Mexico and it is a really cool country.  

I'll do my best to update on the where/when/why/how of all these places so if faced with the choice, you don't have to automatically go to Cancun.

Today we leave in about T-4 hours with our final arrival point being 28 hours after we leave.  Can I just take this moment for a blank stare?  :-|  Blink blink.  Yes, 28 hours from now, we will be in sunny Puerto Vallarta.

Yikes.

It's all worth it to see my best friend get married though and, did I mention, we'll also be celebrating two years of marriage while we're there too.  Happy happy days ahead!!

Boa viagem!

I Heart My Bike

Inspired by Danielle's blog about her quest for an appropriate gym, I thought I'd share some of the exercise in which I've been partaking. 

I won't even bother with the details of our gym search in our new place in Jacarepagua (like how one gym doesn't even LET you do several necessary exercises, or how one gyms equipment was practically falling apart and ripping the skin from my thighs).  No, I will not bother with that.

We did find a gym that is pretty good.  We're happy enough (even though they close on Sundays, blast!).  It's decent. 

But sometimes it's hard to go... Y'know we're tired after work, I'm too fat and lazy... blah blah blah!  We were also pretty used to getting around via bicicleta in Canada so we bought ourselves some bikes to make the trip to the gym easier (irony???) and just to generally get around. 

Lately, Ro took it upon himself to be CRAZY and start biking to work.  When I say crazy, I mean really out of his mind.  It's about a 16 km ride each way.  Throw in there a day of work and you got yourself one crazy mo-fo.  So, logically, I was jealous (as I usually am when he starts doing more exercise than me).  I got myself so jealous-ed up that I decided "Fine!  You wanna ride to work?  I'M gonna ride to work!"  Right.  Totally logical and sane and not at all obsessively competitive. 

So today was my first bike ride to work.  It's definitely less distance but still about 10-11 km each way.  My class starts at 7am which meant leaving the house at 6am.  I had my bag packed... my little flat shoes and cardigan tucked inside, my music ready, a towel to absorb all the buckets of sweat sure to come out of my face and armpits and probably butt. 
Oh shush, you know your butts get sweaty.  Try sitting down after a workout and see if there's not a sweat stain on that seat.  If there isn't, you didn't work hard enough!

Ahem.  Pardon me.  So I ride.  And about 30 seconds in I ride over some glass!  Then I think the tire is leaking air.  It didn't look that flat before, did it?  I panic.  I almost actually just give up, right there, after 30 seconds.  The fastest give up ever!  I call Ro.  He tells me to put air in the tire.  I whine I've never put air in the tire before!  He says it's ridiculously easy.  I whine, maybe to you, you've done it before! 
(P.S.  It IS ridiculously easy... perhaps the one thing that Brazil has that is far easier than N. America!) 

Moving on.  I figured out how to put the air and I'm happy again.  I ride.  As I ride, I pass many men who are on there way to work.  I laugh at how 'prepared' I am for this bike ride and how these guys are biking in flip flops and bent up tires.  Seriously bent up.  Every guy I pass looks at me and about half of them ding their wimpy little bells and kiss at me.  Brrrring brrrrrring!  One guy passes wearing a drywall mask and a towel on his head and gives me a long, heart-felt brrrrrrrrring!  How did he know that paper-masked men ringing bicycle bells are what really get me excited???  I was feeling preeeeetty confident after that one!

When I finally arrive at my students' office, I am literally a hot, sweaty mess.  But the trip took longer than I thought so I had to run in without a chance to rinse off.  After sitting in a plastic chair for an hour in the same pants I rode in in... what do you think I left behind?  A big, embarrassing, sweaty butt mark! 

But I did feel pretty freaking awesome so I'm afraid my student will have to endure my sweatiness... at least once a week. 

Moral of the story. 
Biking is...
good for your soul
good for your legs
good for the environment
good for your stress

Biking is...
bad for your butt (sweat)
bad for your students' chair
bad for your student in general
bad for your ego (or do I mean good? wink wink)

Moral of the moral = Get a bike!