Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Big bootie, small boobies? You're good!

When I got to Brazil, it was observed (verbally) by many that I had "such big legs".  You may or may not remember a little term that Danielle invented called "Brazilian Honesty".  I have adopted this term for myself because it is oh-such-a-thing.  Anyway, on several separate occassions people have looked at my legs and actually exclaimed "Wow, you have such big legs!"

So, how would you react to that comment? 

Initially, obviously, I was a little insulted.  Not only do you NOT need to comment on my physical appearance, but you definitely do NOT need to highlight my flaws so dramatically!  I didn't say to you "Damn that is a gigantic ass!  No really, it is truly enormous... the biggest I've ever seen".  

Y'see, the thing is, if I HAD said that, the person to whom I was speaking would MOST LIKELY reply "oh my god thank you!  oh wow you're sooooo nice!"

Y'see my friends... contrary to our beauty ideals up in the snowy north and in the US of A... in Brazil the bigger your legs and ass, the better!  If I hadn't been so defensive all along, I'd have realized, like a smack in the face, that these people were COMPLIMENTING me. 

Ohhhhhhh!  I get it now. 

So when the saleslady in the dress store exclaims with enthusiasm "Wow, you have such nice big calves!" I have to understand that she is saying, "I would kill for calves (do we still pluralize like baby cows?) like those that barely fit into pant legs!"

And when my gay friend Joaozinho (yes, you Joaozinho) says one night "Oh. My. God. You have Such. Big. Legs!" I have to know he's saying "I'll protect you and pretend to be your boyfriend tonight cus the guys gon' go cah-razy!" 

You'll notice the way girls exercise at the gym too that generally about 80% of their workout is legs and ass, with probably about 60% of that chunk (pun inTENded) being ass-only.  I cried to Ro last night about it because I don't WANNA do that much ass at the gym!!  I don't like it!  It's hard!  But if I want a killer ass, well, I'd better hop to it. 

Also, as a final vote of confidence for my Big-Legged Beauties... the bigger the ass but the SMALLER the boobies is also a vote your way.  To be bottom-heavy/top-light is the way to go here, girls.  So if you felt/feel judged in the America to the North, please come take a trip down to Brazil.  I promise within 3 days of arriving your concerns about your fat ass and thighs will float right away, straight into a bikini and an ice cold beer!


  1. hahahahaha
    I love your paraphrasing of Joãozinho (Cahrazy!).

    I'd better try to burn off the fat in my stomach, butt, and leg areas before I even think about making them big in the nice, Brazilian way.

    Write more, write more!

  2. I once had a guy argue over whether I was American or not. His logic (and he actually said this to me): you do not have huge boobs, but you do have an ass. ALL Americans have big boobs. I went to Miami, I know. You aren't Brazilian because you have an accent so just admit that youre from Argentina, you don't need to be embarrassed.

    I've had many people since them tell me my boobs are too small for an American or that my rear is too big.

    Small boobs= unAmerican, but very Brazilian, trait.

  3. Go us! I have the small boob/big thighs and ass combo, and it NEVER failed in Brazil to get me compliments (and more! ;) ). I remember "coxao" being tossed around several times. Still takes a bit of work to remember that it was a compliment and not a way of telling me I'm fat.

  4. Yeah, my husband told me awhile ago that Brazilians love small breasts and big butts. So of course, I considered Brazil my mecca. But then why do all the women here get boob jobs and why are the bathing suits only for women with small, high butts?

  5. Nice ladies... it's good to know I"m not alone with the small boob/big butt combo.

    But I really don't understand WHY everyone gets boob jobs still and the bikinis are made the way they are! I still can't even find a decent pair of jeans and I thought here would be a piece of sanity!!


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