Ok it's blog time!
Phew, what a week. It's been an 'emotional roller-coaster' week for me. I go through these periods of 'the whole world is going to end and everything sucks' every so often but this time was pretty bad. It made me realize that I seriously need to see a psychologist.
There are just so many highly negative emotions I experience living here. So many feelings of anger that I have for reasons that I can't even explain to myself. Feelings of sadness. Loneliness. Frustration. Resentment. I wish I had more friends. I wish things were easier (bureaucratically). I wish I saw my husband more often. I wish I made more money. I wish I had more free time. I wish I had less free time. I wish I had more hobbies. I wish I wasn't afraid to make a phone call in Portuguese.
Yeah, it's pretty much like a child has smeared poop all over the wall, up there in my head.
|I thought a pic of real poop on a wall would be too much... You're welcome.|
I have way more friends now than I had a year and half ago. Brazilian jeitinho can actually help you out a lot. The tiny slivers of time that Ro and I can spend together lift my mood so much. I make a decent salary for someone who doesn't have any formal training teaching - just me and my serious love for teaching (and researching like crazy). I have weekends and almost all day on Friday off. My free time is a good opportunity to get things done in the house and with work. I have more time for reading, which I love! I actually know how to speak on the phone in Portuguese so I don't know why I let that get to me.
Also, I'm just lucky to be living in another country having this experience that I'll mos def look back on and think "why I be so crazy?"
So, I gotta clear that shit up, because it's crazy up in here. (In my crazy head)
You know what? I'm going to start with some mini goals.
- I need to find a psychologist who speaks English in Rio. Anyone?
- I want to book a dentist appointment
- I want to start Portuguese classes
- I want to start acupuncture
- I want to find a new apartment in a better neighbourhood
- I successfully booked an acupuncture appointment (all by myself!)
- I successfully found and spoke to a dentist (I have to call back to book tomorrow but I found it!)
- I saw a Portuguese teacher giving a class randomly and I approached her and we're trying to find a time to meet
- Ro and I rearranged our schedules to have one day per week to see apartments.