Monday, August 8, 2011

Mini Accomplishments on an Emotional Roller Coaster

Ok it's blog time!

Phew, what a week.  It's been an 'emotional roller-coaster' week for me.  I go through these periods of 'the whole world is going to end and everything sucks' every so often but this time was pretty bad.  It made me realize that I seriously need to see a psychologist.

There are just so many highly negative emotions I experience living here.  So many feelings of anger that I have for reasons that I can't even explain to myself.  Feelings of sadness.  Loneliness.  Frustration.  Resentment.  I wish I had more friends.  I wish things were easier (bureaucratically).  I wish I saw my husband more often.  I wish I made more money.  I wish I had more free time.  I wish I had less free time.  I wish I had more hobbies.  I wish I wasn't afraid to make a phone call in Portuguese.
Yeah, it's pretty much like a child has smeared poop all over the wall, up there in my head.
I thought a pic of real poop on a wall would be too much... You're welcome.
On the other hand, there are very highly positive feelings that I experience living here.  Little accomplishments bring me so much happiness.
I have way more friends now than I had a year and half ago.  Brazilian jeitinho can actually help you out a lot.  The tiny slivers of time that Ro and I can spend together lift my mood so much.  I make a decent salary for someone who doesn't have any formal training teaching - just me and my serious love for teaching (and researching like crazy).  I have weekends and almost all day on Friday off.  My free time is a good opportunity to get things done in the house and with work.  I have more time for reading, which I love!  I actually know how to speak on the phone in Portuguese so I don't know why I let that get to me.  
Also, I'm just lucky to be living in another country having this experience that I'll mos def look back on and think "why I be so crazy?"

So, I gotta clear that shit up, because it's crazy up in here.  (In my crazy head)

You know what?  I'm going to start with some mini goals.
  1. I need to find a psychologist who speaks English in Rio.  Anyone? 
  2. I want to book a dentist appointment
  3. I want to start Portuguese classes
  4. I want to start acupuncture
  5. I want to find a new apartment in a better neighbourhood
Today's mini accomplishment were:
  1. I successfully booked an acupuncture appointment (all by myself!)
  2. I successfully found and spoke to a dentist (I have to call back to book tomorrow but I found it!)
  3. I saw a Portuguese teacher giving a class randomly and I approached her and we're trying to find a time to meet
  4. Ro and I rearranged our schedules to have one day per week to see apartments. 
Good day.  Good day.


  1. Those weren't mini-accomplishments - you tackled almost everything on your list! Good for you. The phone is unnerving because you don't have the advantage of facial expressions. Try writing down the difficult words or phrases for your phone call. That way you won't trip up on them when you are nervous. Also, you might check with the Letras department at PUC (in Gavea). There might be a grad student willing to give Portuguese lessons, and PUC is not too far from where you live.

  2. Wow! You kicked ass on your mini accomplishments, and they're not so mini! Good for you!

  3. Thanks guys! For the purpose of the blog I didn't mention that these 'accomplishments' happened over the last couple of days but today they got all finalized.
    Of course Rome wasn't built in a day, and equally, nothing gets done in just one day here in Brazil but we deal with the cards we're dealt.... I failed on that last idiom.
    Today I'm on an idiom kick.

    Thanks for your comments!

  4. Just hang in there! You are doing great!

  5. Great job! The phone thing was a big one!!

  6. Know exactly what you mean, speaking of which I really need a dentist! and a doctor for that matter. Masting the phone in portuguese without google translate in my lap is still an impossibility and I get sad over the littlest of things these days and mind numbing mad about traffic! But nothing happens fast here so like you we have to be happy with the small things, know living here is still such a great experience and hold on dearly to patience! smile!

  7. Oh my - your list looked just like my list about 6 months ago (minus the apartment). Glad you got almost everything done - I've still put off the psychologist and the acupuncturist, though both are desperately needed :)

  8. Hey Lindsey,

    found your blog a couple of months ago, good read!

    Totally relate to this post, I'm also living in Brazil with my hubby and get these emotional ups and downs all the time. Looking forward to read how you get on with the acupuncture and psychologist when you find one =)


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