Too many changes happening in my life. Combine that with the fact that Ro uses our only laptop for his work translating, finding the time to write blogs is rare if not non-existent. But I do think I need to write SOMETHING, for god's sake. I owe it to myself to document this very emotional and monumental time in our lives.
First, I am pregnant.
Second, we are leaving Brazil.
Third, we are going to re-assimilate back into North-American Culture.
While I think about these three things OFTEN, I'm fairly calm and not overly worried about the uncertainty of the near future. Uncertain simply because we are re-starting our lives once again (ie. finding jobs, finding housing, finding our social circle). On a positive note, we're going back to a place we've been before. On a terrifying note, nothing will be the same as it was when we left, 2 1/2 years ago.
Maybe it's my style to go kind of numb to these changes until I'm actually experiencing them. I'm so anxious to get them started. Maybe it doesn't feel as terrifying as I think it should because it's not the first time we've done something big and life-altering. I know everything always works out in the end.
So, maybe it's really just the anticipation that's taking me over... To be honest, and no disrespect meant to any of my friends here in Brazil, I'm finding it very easy this time to cut ties. Leaving Canada was so much more intense, so many tears, so much insecurity. I'm in an infinitely different place in life this time and know how much I'm capable of... I think all who have made the move to another country can agree that we've been to the breaking point once or twice without actually breaking.
But, what will my friendships be like once I'm back? Will they change? When they change, will there still be common ground? Will I be able to balance my friendships, a new baby, a new/old life, as a different person?
Now I'm overanalyzing... the whole main reason we're going back is to have our baby. Neither of us have jobs that are keeping us tied to Brazil. Healthcare is public and wonderful in Canada. I can use a midwife that is also covered under the healthcare system. I will be close to my mom. We will have more security, more stability, great local programming... I'm really really looking forward to being back.
Do any of you have fears about moving back to your home countries?
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Not that I had an option when I moved back to Brazil, unless you consider illegality an option, but once I decided that I was going to move back it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I think you get used to moving, and my guess is that's why you find it easier to cut ties this time.
ReplyDeleteThe first time is new, and scary, you're going to be away from everything that is familiar to you. I cried for a week straight when I moved to the US. I cried when I realized that I had to say "good morning" and not "bom dia" in the morning. Stupid little things that made a huge difference then. I didn't cry when I came back, except for when I said my goodbyes (and at very random times later because I missed "my" kids).
Now, even if you don't know exactly what expects you in Canada, you know that you can do it because you have done it before, and you know that no matter how hard things get, you'll survive, and you know how things work back at home, you know what's expected of you. So, I don't think anyone of your friends in Brazil will take offense at what you're saying, especially if they've done it too.
Samia, I'm really happy that you got what I meant... the first move is sooo unsure and scary! The saddest part leaving will be actually saying goodbye (for me too, as I have met some very very wonderful people here).
DeletePlus you're right - when you understand the cultural rules of home, going back is already way easier to going to the new place.
Thanks :)
I did. I recently moved back to Canada from Cancun with my BF (common-law). We are waiting for his PR to come through still, but he has a visitor visa so we decided to wait out our time here. Coming back home was very difficult for me, but a few months in now - I realize it was the best choice we could have made to ourselves and our future.
ReplyDeleteSocial circles was also something I worried about since I knew I didn't have much in common with friends of my past. We have though, found new friends that live similar lifestyles, and over all I am really happy we made the move, even if we had to give up the beautiful beaches of Cancun!
I think you are making a great decision, goodluck coming home and if you ever need any help feel free to message me!
Awesome story, thanks for sharing. I feel pretty prepared to face difficulties, as you said you did... but overall it's a great place to live so can't really go wrong!
DeleteWhere do you live?
We live in Mississauga! So just outside Toronto, but will be moving to vancouver island sometime in 2013 so I can complete Teachers college! How about you, where will your family settle?
Deletedoes that mean you found a midwife??? great news if so.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, not so much! But I still have high hopes... I think it'll be easier once i can do it in person rather than by email!
DeleteStill have my fingers crossed...
You will do great! You have to adjust to life all over again after the baby arrives in the first place, might as well just throw it all to the wind.
ReplyDeleteIt would and wouldn't be hard for me to move back to San Diego. We are really settled here in Rio and moving two kids... Plus we have so much stuff and our apartment and car. Then again, once we figured all that out I think I'd slide right back in with old friends at home. A job would be tough right now. And I would really miss my friends here in Rio
I think adjusting to being a mommy is harder than you expect it. At least for me, you spend the time preparing and all that. I haven't seen my friends in the US since Luca, but I know that some won't adjust well to my new life and what that means, and others is doesn't matter who I am or how I change-- they are there.
ReplyDeleteBut as for readjusting, I too have been thinking of returning to the the US. And I too don't feel it being too difficult to leave. However, I think there are lots of things I really really like here and I can't get there. And I will miss lots of stuff. Plus, I think it's hard to know what will be easy or difficult until you experience it. I had all these ideas about adjusting to brazil and it just didn't pan out.
People are SO SO SO nice to a woman with a baby. It's like I have totally new experience in Brazil now. It's very interesting.
Dear Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteI hear you, and I am sure you must have bitter sweet feelings about going back.
To answer your question, we do have concerns, after all, we have been in the US for 15 years...and we have changed as much as everybody back home have changed...
But to be honest with you, this is a very relative question, one, which the country you are going to or coming from doesn't really matter but what matters is the life you have and the life you are going to...in the new/old country. Some people are able to built very successful lives and others don't...regardless if they are back home or in a foreign country.
At the end of the day, all that matters is the life you are able to build around yourself...
Have a great trip home
I wish you and your new family all the best in beautiful Canada
:)
Abracos
Ray
I'm going back to Canada after one year here in Brazil, with my wife. Coming here wasn't that hard even with the small complications and upsetting things that happened in my first week. No, strangely, it's going back to Canada (in three days!) that makes me sad right now. Seeing my wife saying goodbye to her friends and family really saddens me And me too. It's quite ironic because at some point, I just wanted to go back. But not anymore :-/
ReplyDeleteBut hey, congratulations! ;)