Sunday, January 30, 2011

Dear Air Conditiong: Please Come Back. I Miss You.

It's hot.  Like, really hot.  My friends in the snowy north continuously remind/ask me if I would prefer -20 degrees and truthfully, I can't answer that question.  But I know for sure I wouldn't prefer 40+...... and this is what we're dealing with here.

And now we've moved into a new apartment (yay!).  So many great things about living on your own.  But I've quickly discovered one bad thing.  No air conditioning.  C'mon, let's face it!  We're straight broke and other things like food have taken priority over AC for now.... My only respite is the fact that I'm here alone in the apartment and yep.  That means it's No Clothes-Ville for this suffering Canadian...

We have reached the point where any slight whisper of material touching my skin is enough to make me drop to the floor in a series of dramatic (and only slightly exaggerated) fits complete with loud complaining and pathetic whining, which is then followed by outright angry shouting:

"THAT'S IT! I'm going to buy TWO air conditionings tomorrow and I'm putting them on the credit card"
"Oh really? And how will you take them home with you on the bus?"
"I'll hire a driver and put HIM on the credit card!"
"You don't even have a credit card."

True story. (And only slightly exaggerated...)

I can't even pretend to be a real Brazilian.  My husband pointed out that he grew up without AC so for him, "it's not so bad."  Well, Sir.  You may sleep in the "not-so-bad" living room and enjoy your heat.  I'll be in the bedroom with the air conditioning turned to "icicle". 

So in case you were wondering, yes.  It is allllll hanging out right now and while all of this naked freedom is liberating, it's really getting old fast.  I would like some air conditioning please.  It's like Tasha pointed out.  I'm in a new home which really should be christened (I'm pretty sure it's a rule in the bible) and it's too hot for anything more than a toe-rub.
Actually, it's more common to hear "Don't touch me.  Stop touching me... your leg hair is touching me!" than to hear any invitations of hanky panky.  Did I just refer to sex as hanky panky?  Ok, this heat is making me delirious. 

Time for my second shower of the morning! 

You know it's hot in Brazil when:

1. You get up after a 30 minute air conditioned bus ride with a huge, sweaty wet spot on the back of your dress.  It definitely looks like your peed yourself.

2. The nasty, dirty AC dripping onto you from the offices above in Centro is suddenly cool and refreshing. 

3. You stop caring about looking classy and sexy in front of your husband and instead opt for the 'let it all hang out' look.  It really doesn't even matter at this point.  It's not like you're getting any anyway because.........

4. Hot and sweaty sex actually sounds like your idea of hell. 

5. You can barely walk outside and when you do, you can't even make it to your destination in one go.  You need to sit down and take rests.

6. A slight, almost non-existent, breeze is the most AMAZING thing you have EVER FELT IN YOUR LIFE.

7. All of the Brazilians around you are complaining "Nossa! Que calor!" which makes you feel better about not being the only one who can't handle the heat.  Literally and figuratively.

8. Showering twice a day used to seem completely neurotic and obsessive to you.  Now you take two showers before noon.

9. You sweat.  All. The. Time. In fact, you are never ever not sweating.  You are sweating right now!

10. You actually think that -30 degree Canadian winter would be better than this heat.  So really, you've gone crazy.

Stay cool out there peeps!!


  1. It looks like rain is coming today! *happy dance*

  2. Ahh you wrote the post for me! I was going to write about it but instead should just copy from yours. Its MISERABLE! I put my head in the freezer at least 5 times a day and Im so tired all the time from just doing ordinary errands. I threaten AC all the time, its like dreaming of water in the middle of the desert. Good luck, we aren't getting an AC either so naked and miserable it is. When will this be over..... ugh!

  3. No rain... sigh.

    We have an air conditioner (really old one) in the bedroom, but now that we have a new ceiling fan, we never use it. Two days ago I said f**k it - I'm turning that mutha on to just lay on the bed and read a book. Luiz started jesticulating and crying out that I was running up the electric bill. I not-so-politely reminded him that the 42" plasma TV (which is always on!) sucks more electricity than the refrigerator with the door ajar.

    We had a bit of a tiff - but I read in the comfort of a cooled room for a few hours.

    Now - back to fans. (And mango banana sorbet!)

  4. The temperature here is -25 degrees.
    being sad........

  5. yuuck. nakey! i wear a bathing suit, BUT if i have an HOUR of dishes to wash, which means i will be dripping with sweat afterwards (west facing window) it all comes off too :D it was super hot here for a while last week/weekend, not as hot as Rio (like 35) and now it's cold and misty, actually it kind of looks like Mordor outside :S here i can expect that if there is a savagely HOT day it will be followed by lightning, cold winds and bullet rain. and i def complain when it's hot and complain when it rains. complaining about the weather is one of human's favorite activities! one good thing of rain is that all the wimpy finches take refuge on my balcony, then i feel like snow white! :P

  6. Thank God i am not the only one who thinks i am in an oven, being baked alive,on a 24 hour basis! i have turned into a salty, dripping,water faucet!I am a native New Yorker who moved to Rio 1 year and 9 mos.ago from Denver CO.So I, also have experienced winter! I wish I could just be there for a moment! Arggggggggggg!
    The fan helps!
    That is my whine of the day.
    Take alot of showers and try to stay cool, my only advice. J.


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