Monday, July 19, 2010

Friendly Shmendly!

Goddamn it!  I've been so emotional the past couple of days.  I finally hit my rock bottom as I sit here bawling my eyes out to the Biggest Loser!  I find that I go through these phases about once every month...  They always happen around every 28 days... it's just so strange!  I can't figure out what on Earth would cause me to feel a little sad every 28 days.  Not a clue.

Anyway, I'm tearing up now because the fatties on Biggest Loser just got to call home and, well, y'know, sad sad tears sad. 

Seriously though... this show is so sad sometimes :'(

I also cried while watching the Shakira video of Waka Waka Whatever (y'know, the World Cup song?)  So I'm pretty sure I'm not a very reliable source of what is genuinely sad and what is not.

I had kind of a flip out moment on Friday night as well.  I know it's a combo of my being sensitive but also of experiencing something that I have experienced more than a few times here in Brazil.  This thing is Brazilian Rudeness/Lack of Social Skills.

It started out as an awesome night.  Ro and I going on a date to Outback (where he works), drinkin' some beer, eating some junk food.  Always a good time.  What I maybe wasn't expecting was the constant line of people coming up to the table to talk to us.  It's cool.  There are some people there that I've met that I like.  They are friendly. They talk to me and include me in the conversation.  I try really hard to pay attention, understand and contribute.

But there were also some people who were not these things.  One girl came up just because she heard I was there and she wanted to look at me.  The only problem was I was not in the mood to be looked at.  In that way.  That way where I am foreign and different and she doesn't want to 'know' me, she wants to look at me.
Another friend came up and had several lengthy conversations with Ro while completely ignoring me.  In that way where you talk to one person directly and don't even glance in the other person's direction.
Another guy came up to us, said hi to Ro, shook his hand, said hi to the waiter friend serving us, patted him on the back, and didn't even look my way for a second before leaving!  Totally snubbed!

I just don't get this.  After the third time, even Ro's nice waiter friend commented on it. "Some people just don't have good social skills".  Ro said "I think it's a cultural thing."  Cultural thing?  Try really rude thing.  

I don't think it is a cultural thing because not everyone is like that here in Brazil.  But this specific situation has happened to me on more than one occasion and it makes me feel so invisible and unimportant.  Not to mention it's just f'ing RUDE.  It really just widens the gap I feel here with making friends with Brazilians.
*I have to repeat though that IT'S NOT LIKE THIS WITH EVERYONE.  In fact, I've met some really really awesome Brazilians who I think I can consider my friends.*

Maybe if this situation happened in another weeks time, I would be able to just brush it off but on Friday it just hit me like toothache.  Annoying, painful and... toothy??  Terrible simile.  Whatever! It hurt my feelings a lot.  I just felt like such an outsider.  Anyway.

Lookin forward to our bloggy date this weekend!  I want to see you all!!!  Even (especially) you guys who have to travel far distances.  Plleeeeeeeeeease come!


  1. I have totally been in your shoes! My husband wasn't even phased. It wasn't anything, blah blah blah.

    Don't let it bother you. It's the whole, they don't want to talk to me/she wouldn't understand me anyway situation. Doesn't excuse it, only explains it.

    Something happens every 28 days? Really? My husband insists that it does. I say nothing big. I just bleed for 7 straight days and I don't die. I think if I manage that, I can be a bit cranky without someone mentioning it. I'm a surviver damn it!

  2. It's not because you're foreign. It's because you're a woman. Because, at least for the men ignoring you, there's no reason to speak to a woman who isn't a potential hookup partner or someone who can clean your house. Get with the program, Linds!


    No seriously though, in so many subtle and not-so-subtle ways, women are totally second-class citizens. We're just not used to that so we confuse it with their being rude because we're foreigners.

  3. Yeah, I was going to say what Danielle said. While I often feel out of the loop in social gatherings it is never because I am being ignored. Sorry this one hit so hard.

    See ya Saturday, 2:00 p.m., kiosk in front of the Copacabana Palace!

  4. Hahah @ Rachel because dammit we're survivors!
    D and J I never thought about it like that before, seriously. I'm a bit appalled actually that this might even be the case.
    Like, maybe they just thought they were respecting Ro by not talking to me so he wouldn't think they were hitting on me. That's so crazy.

  5. We've got rude people here in Salvador too but it tends to be the other way around. If you do not acknowledge everyone in your vicinity they perceive you as rude.

  6. You are too kind Lindsey. If I were you, I would have introduced myself to the person to make him/her feel like total douche. I can't stand rude people but unfortunately here in Brazil SOME people (not all) are clueless about etiquette. So sad!!

  7. That anonymous comment was me, Melissa ;)
    Sorry, I'm so new at this, lol

  8. Touched by your noticing the rudeness and monthly sensistivity- and I have noticed this, too! I lived in Turkey, so Brazil pales in comparison to any exclusion of women. BUT, maybe it's the small town and maybe it's my relentless desire to engage, but if I've been ignored i have not noticed. Now, the looking just to be looked at- and it's usually women with internalized racism who want to see/touch my pale skin and light hair-I totally turn it around on them telling them how beautiful they are, how dark is so 'bonita', etc. I always give a friendly double wink, and say as charmingly as possible "Descuple, desculpe. Eu nao falo muito Portugues. Mas estou tentando!" Unless of cours eit's that sensistive time...and then I have to stay the hell home or have a total breakdown infront of everyone. Thanks for your post!!!

  9. I Really liked your honesty Lindsey and I have been in your shoes many and many times, so much so that I left it and will never return. I was born in Brazil and today I live in New Zealand. I recently posted an article on 6 reasons why I left the country, which lead me to search for others like me and ended up finding your beautifully crafted blog (u got a follower my friend!) My article is at my blog, and can be found through the category "Behind-the-scenes with Ric". it is a sort of manifesto i suppose, I would rarely speak out about my frustrations online.
    I honestly think rudeness is cultural and is embedded in the culture since colonisation, 500 years ago.
    Cheers from NZ.


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