Friendships: Past vs. Present

So, I stumbled upon my old blog that I kept all throughout university.  I'm currently in the middle of reading the entire 3 year collection and all I can say is it's hilarious!!!!  First, because it's purely a diary.  Like "today so-and-so did this to me" and "I'm so mad I can barely see!"  While it's not all that much different from this blog, it's way more personal, and dare I say, risqué?  I go into a LOT of personal detail that I would NEVER share here.  Does that mean I've become more censored as a person or just that my audience is different?  

Haha, one thing that's kinda flipping my mind is that it appears that I used to have a very easy time talking to my friends and telling them EXACTLY how I felt about them.  I wasn't afraid to show my rage, my frustration, my sadness, or the pure elation I had from being friends with them.  I felt totally entitled to speak my mind.  

It got me wondering if friendships like that are still possible, in our adult lives?  I have met some incredible people living in Brazil (especially incredible because they are multiple nationalities who share a common experience - wild!).  I would even say I have some very good friends here.  But are friendships nowadays the friendships of our past?  Is that even possible?  I don't know if I would feel comfortable laying it all out on the table for my friend, because I wouldn't want to risk too much conflict or fighting.

Maybe it's the nature of friendships here... they all feel temporary.  At least because we know that one day someone will leave.  Or maybe it's because we are all just guests in this country, and don't have the same roots and histories of our home countries.  Maybe now, as adults, we have the capacity to see what the future 'means', and that things don't last forever as we once thought in our naive adolescences. 

Or maybe it's even simpler than that, and this is just growing up.  We develop nuclear families that satisfy our need for close, intimate relationships and our friendships become like the Clinique Bonus Gift (gotta say though - I always LOVE that bonus gift!).

Anyway, just curious to know how anyone else would evaluate friendships in the past vs friendships today.  Do you think you've become less 'intimate' with your friends?  How do you maintain intimacy if you have it??  So curious about this.... 

Here's to Hoping the World Doesn't End!

Well, almost a month has gone by since my last post and so much has happened.  It's not fair for me to keep it all to myself.

Side note** I imagined that moving to Botafogo would have given me more time - more time for blogging, class prep, and all of the indoor activities I was used to doing.  Our move has done the exact opposite (not complaining) but more time outside and spent with friends means less time for blogging.

In the past month since my birthday I've:

Had 4 visitors
Taken the train to the Cristo
Rode the bondinho  to Pao de Acucar
Taken 1 trip to the Tenda Espirita de Umbanda
Read 2 books
Done 5 consecutive days of yoga (dotted with several other days)
Gone to the beach 3 times
Bought a ticket to the Carnaval Parade

That's of course not even everything but that's what has taken up the majority of my time for the last few weeks!  So far 2012 is off to a great start, with no apocalypse in sight!  

My first two visitors were my mom and sister.  It had been a year since I'd seen them and while the year went fast, so much can change in that time.  I notice the changes in myself so much more when I am reunited by my family and friends from home.  You might say I've become more 'Brazilian' - I don't know if that's necessarily true but I guess we are all a product of our environments.  I certainly like to shower more and clean my house more, wink wink (but I still ALWAYS take my shoes off when I enter the house, because shoes in the house is just gross to me!)

I wouldn't say I'm becoming more 'Brazilian' because there are so many things about Brazilian culture that I still don't identify with, and probably never will, since I didn't grow up with the same understanding of the world from Brazilian eyes.  Now my eyes are broader (in terms of cultural experiences) than those of my (my specific) Canadian peeps and of my Brazilian peeps.  That makes me neither more Canadian nor more Brazilian, it just makes me 'me'.  A combination of experiences that could relate with both sides, but at times makes me feel very removed.

I have big fears of our inevitable move back to Canada.  It's taken a long time to 'assimilate' into Brazilian culture.  To learn the language, the general rules of society, how to get around, what the prices of a pineapple should be.  A lot of blood, sweat (a freakin' LOT of sweat) and tears (also, a BUTT LOAD of tears) have gone into getting myself to the point I'm at today - a point where I feel I'm actually growing as a person: not standing still, or worse, moving backwards.

I feel like it will be difficult to find common ground with people once I'm back home since this huge period of constant adjustment has been the centre of my life for so long.  It's the first time in my life that work, money, clothes and 'things' have played so little importance to who I am.  


I know these things are very important to Canadians (whether they like to believe that or not).  

They were very important to me, too.  They are still important to me, to my happiness.  But they aren't the centre of my happiness, like I always felt was the true race to life.  To work as much as possible, to make as much as possible, to have a big house, to buy a lot of things, to have a car, to travel everywhere... I feel like I can see things with clearer eyes now.
 
Maybe I can say that because I've found my true calling with English teaching - my job doesn't feel like I'm torturing my soul, like it used to.  My true love of language, of teaching others, of sharing information, connecting with people, seeing the product of my work... What if I can't find that again when we move back to Canada?

Living in another country is like being on a permanent holiday.  Everything is different and new every day, even if you're doing it for the 100th time - it's not the way you grew up doings things.  No matter what level of Portuguese you are, you are always hearing a foreign language on the street.  Drinking coconut water at the beach still feels like a special event.
There is something very exciting about living life this way.  Even when nothing really happens, so much is happening every day. 

I think that's why my husband would prefer to live in Canada.  If it gave him the same feelings it gives me living in Brazil, I can't blame him.  Although for him, it's a much different sensation, I'm sure.

The reality is Canada is easier.  Canada is more organized.  Canadians are polite and they look out for each other, in general.  In Brazil, you're fighting the fight alone, give or take a few specific situations that bring the community out in people (Danielle and I talked about this exact topic while at the Farmer's Market by my house - the Market is a place I see a lot of community, but step outside the streets of the market and a car is sure to run you down).

Anyway, I didn't even get into more details of what I've done the last month but it has generally been a great month of reflection for me.  I also want to talk about the Centro of Umbanda that we went to, which was very interesting and awesome.  If you haven't heard of Spiritism in Brazil, or Umbanda (which is not the 'black magic' one) check out the wikipedia def that I linked up above.

Other than that, my cats are lovely, my friends are lovely (Danielle and Alex's weekend here was GREAT GREAT GREAT), and JIM has totally made it possible for me to experience my first Sambodromo during Carnaval!  Woo!  2012 is looking fine!  (as long as the world doesn't end!) 

P.S. We aren't moving back to Canada any time soon but we have been doing some life planning which has got the question coming up in my mind... Never hurts to think about it. 

Does anyone else have the same fears about re-assimilating into your own culture?  Or have the experience of actually doing it? 

Bonding Time with Friends: A Story of Waxing, Beers, and Haircuts

There is nothing quite like the value of friendship.  Especially when you are a Stranger in a Strange Land.  (YES!  You don't know how happy I am to make that reference for myself, finally!)

Maybe you've been wondering, "How can I bring my friendships closer?  How can we have a more intimate relationship with my girlfriends?"  The answer is:  Waxing.
Girls waxing their crotches together is a speedy and reliable way to bring you to a level of comfort and  intimacy you never thought possible.  I've referenced other intimate waxing experiences in the past *ahem, watched Laura get a Brazilian, ahem* so you can trust me that I'm experienced in this field.  

Haha!  Waxing neither feels nor looks ANYTHING like this!

Just the nature of the activity demands that you discuss your crotches in detail with each other.  Details you'd probably be embarrassed to share in any other circumstance (but this is Brazil and Brazilians are notorious for being insanely comfortable talking about and showing off their bodies, so you join the party).

It's extra special when two of your party are getting the wax for the very first time, ever.  It's total unknown territory, and the idea of a stranger putting her hands all over an area which in the past has strictly been reserved for yourself, your partner, and your doctor is a little unnerving and guaranteed to bring you closer to your friends (physically closer, out of pure terror).

Then when one friend says, "This comes without the anus, right?"
and you say, "Oh no, this one comes with the anus waxed"
and she says, "No!! I don't want to wax my anus!!"
and you say, "Yes you do.  You definitely want to wax your anus.  She'll have the Virilha Total WITH the anus waxed, please."

Well, it goes without saying that you've now discussed waxing your friends' anus and therefore you are now, officially, closer than ever. 

The anus in question come up again later as you're, as gently as possible, trying to coach your friends through the waxing process.

"Then she will tell you to vira and segura seu bum bum".
"We have to turn over and hold our asses open to wax the anus?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
(Exclamations NOT an exaggeration!!!!!!!!)
"Yes, you will need to hold the cheeks to help her out."
"Do we have to get on all fours???????" (this one made us laugh hysterically for around 7 minutes)
"No", I answer while wiping tears away.  "You can lay on your stomach, just hold your bum open!"


 **** Several stressful moments (for everyone) later, you're all smooth as a baby****

Having a freshly waxed crotch also makes you want to, obviously, drop your pants and show it off!  This may or may not be a good idea, but I suppose that depends on the deepness of the intimacy of your friendships.  My friends and I still have a few more waxes to get through before we reach this level, but it was definitely on the table!

After a lot of sweating and heart pounding, but albeit a good quality wax, beer is a definite must.  You need to discuss, in detail, the proceedings of the waxing.
"Did it hurt as much as you thought?"
"Well, she put one slab of wax on and couldn't get it off because the hair was too long!  I started to wonder if maybe I could just live with this giant slab of dried wax on my crotch forever."

After you get a little tipsy at the bar, it's time to part ways.  Two of you decide to make it a whole day of hair removal and get your hair cut (even though we already know how this is another stress point for you).  Since you have no evidence of a good place to cut your hair, you wander into the best looking place you pass.

Hair cutting with a friend is very intimate, especially because you get to watch, and be watched, during that moment in every haircut that makes you think "Oh no, this is gonna look like shit.... oh wait, she fixed that part.  Ok, crisis averted."

In the end, it works out because you are with your friend and that gives you some kind of super power moral support!

And so concludes The Guide to Bonding With Your Friends!  A lovely day it was!  Thanks girls :)

Friendship in Brazil

Or rather, friendship COMES to Brazil!

I've been M.I.A. for the past two weeks because my good friend Laura was visiting me here in Rio.  We spent two great weeks together doing all things Brazilian: Travelling to São Paulo (seeing Danielle for a millisecond); Riding bikes around Zona Sul; Going to Leme Beach; Visiting Pão de Açucar; Getting manicures, getting waxed, getting tipsy; Eating a great restaurants, eating at home, eating HEALTHY; But most of all enjoying each others' company because we hadn't seen each other in a year.

It's sometimes a hard reminder when you spend time with your really old friends from your former home.  A reminder that even across time zones and languages your friendships can still remain strong, if not stronger, despite the distance.  The fact is, these kind of friendships take time to cultivate.  Time and quite probably embarrassing moments - my friends from Canada can attest to the fact that we've all had some awesomely embarrassing moments together.  For God's sake, I watched Laura get a Brazilian wax last year when she couldn't communicate with the waxing lady and the waxing lady insisted I stay to help.  Nothing builds a friendship like watching your friend get her thang waxed.  (Sorry Laur, I needed that story to emphasize my point) ;-)

And while my new friendships in Brazil are also fantastic, they just don't have that 'time' factor yet.  As Leslie says on the show Parks and Recreation "So what did you guys talk about? Old times? Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great too, but there's just something about old times. You know what I mean?"  Well said, Leslie.

So I guess the point of this sappy, sad post (gimme a break!  Laura went home yesterday and I'm all depressed) is that I am really grateful for both of my worlds.  My Aldous Huxley world and my Old World.  But it sure is hard living in a parallel universe.  I wish they could exist together as one life but at the same time, one wouldn't really even exist without the reality of the other.  I did manage to bring them together, just a little bit ;)

On a positive note, I got to learn about my friend in a different way than either of us had experienced with the other.  I suppose you could say that we uncovered each others' neuroses after sharing a house for 2 weeks.  It was great waking up with her here in the morning, making breakfast together and sitting in front of the 'sitting' window (it's a great window we have for sitting and looking outside).  Working together to keep the house in order then deciding what to do for the day.  It was really nice to have her company.  And the time went by so quickly.  Le sigh.

It does keep me excited for the next guests we have coming - my mom and sister will be here for New Years this year!  Lucky me! 

For now, it's sad movie watching and laying on the couch.  Tomorrow I'll be good as new ;-)

Impromptu Hallowe'en Party

If the mountain won't go to Mohammad....

We'll bring the Hallowe'en Party to us!  So I've met a few new people here over the last couple of weeks who are really filling out my lovely group of 'friends' here.  No, no, friends deserves no quotations.  For the first time in my Brazilian life though, I really feel like I have people I can call up to hang out with for all kinds of different reasons.  People who fulfill different parts of my life and who are all amazing, wonderful people.

Some of those people live in Rio.  Some don't.  A few of the Rio-dwellers were feeling sad about not having Hallowe'en, so at the last minute we decided to shut up and plan a 'party'.   Party gets quotations because the whole purpose was really to dress up, eat candy and watch a scary movie.  Not an epic Hallowe'en party or anything... but decent all the same.

I, for one, LOVE Hallowe'en!  It's right up there with Christmas, for me.  But Brazil doesn't really love Hallowe'en so much so it's kinda difficult to find a costume and other Halloweeny things.

We coped.

I carved little jack-o-lanterns into some clementines.  I found R$15 jack-o-lantern votive holders.  My friend Emily found an awesome trick-or-treat pumpkin and filled it with Brazilian chocolate.  Julie and I even found gummy candy in the shape of teeth and worms!  Score!






Plus everyone found/made awesome costumes! I was so impressed!

Then I worked my magic with the help of a little friend I like to call 'Martha'.

Made some 'devilish' eggs. 

 Some Bloody Sangria.  Some Slime Rickeys punch.  And topped it off with bleeding eyeballs made from lychee and blueberry.

Everyone else brought wine and snacks.  We ate and talked and then cuddled up to watch The Exorcist.  Classic.

I love celebrating my traditions here with people who appreciate them.  While I also love celebrating and learning about the Brazilians traditions, there's nothing like bringing 'home' to you to make living here just a little bit more familiar and fun.

Hope everyone had a nice Hallowe'en!

My Online and (Offline?) Worlds Collide...

This weekend was such a whirlwind of 'new' that I feel today should be Saturday.  I need a weekend from my weekend.

But Oh!  What a weekend it was!  I suppose you could say this is the pinnacle of what all blogging communities could hope to achieve - to get out from behind the computers and talk IN REAL LIFE about, well, everything.  Actually, I've been speaking sooo much English this weekend it was almost as if I were on a vacation from Rio, while simultaneously enjoying more than I knew it had to offer!  So many amazing people to connect with.  Such great conversation, sharing of ideas, and discovering, in so much more detail, other foreign experiences of Life In Brazil. 

I was even lucky enough to go beyond the amazing Blog Meetup and spend the rest of the weekend with Jim (who was an incredible host and who makes DELICIOUS pies!), Rachel (hilarious and entertaining as always!) and of course, the guest of honour for the weekend, Danielle (who is 10x better than I could have expected!) 

It's pretty big, meeting up with these people.  I'm sure many others can relate when I say that reading blogs has helped me through one hard time or another.  I read blogs while in anticipation of my move to Brazil, and have read them all the way through.  This community has been a really solid form of support for me and without it I'm not sure what sort of outlet I would've had.  So, that's why when I say it was a gigantic honour to spend time with these guys, whose words have helped me more than they know, you can all understand where I'm coming from. 

This blog meet-up was a huge success!  I hope that many more (meetings and bloggers!) come out of the shadows in the near future... 

Saude!

Things always get better!

I have spoken A LOT of Portuguese this weekend.  I'm drunk right now so I can't really go into a lot of detail, but not for lack of trying!!! 

Sunday night - GOD this 'weekend' (Sunday - Tuesday) feels like a weekend for me.  All of my Monday students cancelled because of Brazilian Independence Day today.  All of my Tuesday students as well!  But why doesn't anyone do anything for Independence Day here?!?!?!?!  Fireworks?  Barbeques?  Parties??  No???

Então, I spend the afternoon grocery shopping with minha sogra and partying with minha cunhada.  GOOD TIMES!  I'm glad I convinced my MIL to go shopping because I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't helped her, she wouldn't have gone. Food in house, check one.

My SIL invited me to a barbeque (not for Independence Day - just a coincidence) of a friend who I know so I went and ended up knowing a couple of others there (hey, what's this now? I know people in the neighbourhood??).  It was a good ol' caipirinha time there.

On Sunday night I went ALONE to a churrasco at my husband's Aunt's house.  Alone without my husband but with my family.  Afterwards the cousins went to Casa Rosa in Larangeiras.  That place was really fun.  And really fun going with some peope who I can actually consider my FAMILY.  I've never gone out with my cousins before so I feel priviledged that my 'new' family lives close and I can spend some time with them. 

I really wish I could be more specific right now but I'm more or less just reporting on what's new.  I really like reading Fiona's blog because she has articulated so much nicer the things that I felt (and still feel) about adjusting to life here. 

All I can say, people, is that it gets better if you want it to.  You just have to find the things you like (it's not always easy - it takes effort, sometimes a lot of effort and sometimes too much effort) and, like Rachel said, you can't be picky about your friends.  You may just find yourself spending time with people, though, who you never expected to be friends with.  It's kind of a fantastic thing, this living abroad. 

Sometimes I feel like I can't stand it anymore and sometimes I feel like I could live here forever.

Going out in Rio

So lately I've been going through this drinking phase where I find myself drinking and getting drunk about 2-3 times a week.  This is more than I normally drink (especially to the point of drunk) but it has to do with my new-found obsession desire to have a social life.  I've always enjoyed drinking - love wine, beer, mixed drinks ... I'm not picky.  It's just that I'm finding the only sure way of making friends is
a) in the bar, and
b) whilst drinking

I've mentioned going out a few times to this Irish Bar in Ipanema that is pretty awesome. I mean, yes it's half-filled with tourists but they speak English! The upside is, obviously, that I can hang out, get wasted have some beers and socialize in English. The downside is that they are mostly all here temporarily (leaving in a month, leaving in a week, leaving tomorrow).

I suppose this is the permanent downside to being a foreigner in another country. If you make friends with other foreigners, it's almost always a temporary friendship. Somebody will leave someday.

But while that all sounds depressing, it's been the most amazing thing for my overall level of happiness here lately. I've met quite a few temporary friends just by going to the bar and talking to people. Even if it doesn't go further than that, at least I feel reassured by the fact that I AM still sociable and I DON'T just stay home with Ro all the time (as my sister-in-law so lovingly pointed out - I will also mention that she shared her opinions without being asked for them (that good ol' Brazilian Honesty) and it was actually said as more of a criticism. I really need to go out and 'talk' to people and make friends because it's not 'healthy' to stay at home so much).  I digress.  That's a whole other blog.

Anyway!  I've also made friends with a couple guys from my second school who are really nice people. Always up for some beers, some music and general hanging out. So, tonight, I am going to meet up with them in Lapa for some drinking and samba and whatever!

Good times.  Yes, good times.

More on making friends in Rio

 

So, making friends in Brazil.  You've heard the rumours.  Brazilians are so so nice and so so friendly.  It should be a cinch to make friends then, right?  Not wrong, but not totally right.  In my experience with trying to make friends with Brazilians, I've sort of come up feeling shortchanged.  The conversations can be alright, especially if they speak a little English.  It usually turns into an amusing attempt at conversation with both sides making multiple errors and ultimately bonding over the fact that you are both making a fool of yourself in the other's language.

On the other hand, when you do speak Portuguese, and the person you're speaking with is relatively open-minded, they are pretty good to try and make you feel comfortable, translating occasional words into English (albeit you already know those words, but it's the thought, right?)

I had been getting a little bit tired of this though.  Friendships are never really truly developed.  Deep, meaningful conversations are never truly had.  There are too many pauses, stumbles, stutters... (for now at least). 

And another challenge for me has been the whole 'I live on the other side of the planet' thing.  I live in a neighborhood on the far west end of Rio.  I mean far.  You think Barra da Tijuca is far?  I live past Barra.... It really is the same experience that any of you living in a small town (or Niteroi) have.  You are surrounded by Brazilians who have lived there their whole lives.  Their families live there (both sides if they're married).  Their friends live there.  Cliques are made and although I've been invited out by my lovely SIL to join in, it never really evolves beyond that.

So I decided as of late that I need to get me some friends the good old fashioned way.  Just totally interrupting whatever they're doing and pushing my way in!

I probably should point out that I can only do this when I hear people speaking English and I can only find English people in Zona Sul.  On the subway, looking at a map on the street, in a bar...There's nothing that brings people together more than going up to someone speaking English in a bar full of Brazilians with your best 'Night at the Roxbury' opening... "you? me? you? me? you? me?"

Works every time.

I went to the only 'Irish Pub' in Rio last night (Shenanigans) looking for some friends.  The second I heard them (there were only 3) walk by me I practically ran out to the balcony after them. (Another 'keep in mind', I had arrived at 6 for happy hour, it was now 9:30 and I was already 3 1/2 pints in - Oh yes, I was alone in a bar. Big deal, wanna fight about it?)

At least you know you always have a good opening line when approaching other foreigners.  Especially when your goal truly is to make friends and not to pick up. (This makes it substantially harder, I might add!)
But it's like winning a game when you are well received by your chosen victims and they respond well to your methods, which are rather unconventional.  I sound like a goddamn vampire/molester.  English teacher by day, Vampire Molester by night.  That is, a vampire who molests people, I don't molest vampires.... what are you, sick?? 

Anyway, my friendship attack went pretty well - we exchanged emails and talked about meeting up again sometime.  It can definitely be tricky to make friends with the opposite sex.  I try to keep things reeeeeally casual and name drop my husband a lot.  Not in an annoying 'Just so you know I have a HUSBAND' way but in a protective 'Back off! Get your own sandwich!" kind of way...

See this Canadian commercial to know what I'm referencing here...




ANYWAY!
Friends are working their way into my life.  I would love to make good friends with some Brazilians here but I just have to keep working on the Portuguese bit by bit.  If I were to make this blog into a 'tip' blog, my #1 tip for people moving to Brazil (or any foreign country for that matter) is:

1. BACK OFF! GET YOUR OWN SANDWICH!
and my #2 tip is
2. LEARN HOW TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE!! YOU'RE A FOOL IF YOU DON'T!

o fim de semana sempre passa muito rapido!!

Sunday night already... I could go to sleep right now! This weekend was one of the most entertaining/event filled weekends I've had since moving to Brazil. Serio!
Let's start with Thursday. Ro took the bus out to Botofogo to meet me after work so we could have a few chopp's and then catch an Anima Mundi film. The festival is playing animation films from all over the world. The set we went to see included two films from Canada, two from Brazil, an American, a Japanese a... Danish? British? I'm not remembering very well anymore. Anyway! We saw a bunch of different short animations which were all very... interesting.

Actually the whole thing really made me question whether or not I really enjoyed the films themselves or just the concept of going to the festival. I did LOVE the idea of going there... being amongst the artsy society of Rio, the bohemians, the creatives. But the films themselves were a bit out there - even for me, and I'm pretty open minded to the weirdest shit.
Y'know when you look at a painting that everyone has titled 'a masterpiece'... it's like a huge black circle with red streaks of paint all across it with one, single, tiny yellow dot in the middle that is supposed to represent something? And you are thinking to yourself "I don't get it." That's kind of how I felt with some of these films. One was about a man who hated to waste anything, who suddenly discovers a tree growing out of his head. In the end people start going to this tree as it blooms and having fun, partying, drinking, and end up leaving tons of garbage on his head. He gets so angry that he rips the tree out of his head in a giant rage. Then he has a big hole in his head which turns into a lake and the same people come back to go swimming and littering some more.

So umm.... I don't get it. I mean I get it. I get the symbolism. I also get that sometimes you aren't meant to get it. It's the creator's art and it's for them to understand sometimes.

Anyway, I DID love drinking chopps on a Thursday with my husband in Botofogo and going to the film festival after. Sometimes the idea of it is all you need.

Friday we went to see the Christ for the first time since I've arrived in Rio! IT was a beautiful day for siteseeing and the Christ was really impressive. Yep, that's all I have to say about that. Instead, here are some pictures.

SATURDAY, as you may have heard, I met up with Jim, Rachel and Greg for chopps in Copacabana. Guys, thanks for such an awesome afternoon. What I thought was especially great though - in addition to speaking at a normal speed with common expressions - was that BECAUSE we all live in Rio and therefore speak the same Brazilian slang, the conversation was also littered with these everyday Portuguese expressions we now use here in Brazil that are only REALLY understood by another foreigner living in Brazil. From the two kisses hello to the 'ti, ti, ti', to the 'opa' to the brushing off hand movements, to the mais tres chopps, and then mais quatro chopps (when Greg arrived) and, of course, finishing off with a nice saidera. This is what's nice about hanging out with other foreigners. We can talk 'foreigner' and we can also talk 'native'. Rachel, I don't know how you went to another party afterward. I definitely fell asleep on the bus on the way home.

Ladies and Gents, please schedule into your day planners the event on August 20-22 or 27-29. www.carnavaldasculturas.org, Rio's annual multicultural event by the beach. I know it's far for some of you (very far for some) but it would be a GREAT weekend away and you know we will all make time for each other!

What a great weekend!

Friendly Shmendly!

Goddamn it!  I've been so emotional the past couple of days.  I finally hit my rock bottom as I sit here bawling my eyes out to the Biggest Loser!  I find that I go through these phases about once every month...  They always happen around every 28 days... it's just so strange!  I can't figure out what on Earth would cause me to feel a little sad every 28 days.  Not a clue.

Anyway, I'm tearing up now because the fatties on Biggest Loser just got to call home and, well, y'know, sad sad tears sad. 

Seriously though... this show is so sad sometimes :'(

I also cried while watching the Shakira video of Waka Waka Whatever (y'know, the World Cup song?)  So I'm pretty sure I'm not a very reliable source of what is genuinely sad and what is not.

I had kind of a flip out moment on Friday night as well.  I know it's a combo of my being sensitive but also of experiencing something that I have experienced more than a few times here in Brazil.  This thing is Brazilian Rudeness/Lack of Social Skills.

It started out as an awesome night.  Ro and I going on a date to Outback (where he works), drinkin' some beer, eating some junk food.  Always a good time.  What I maybe wasn't expecting was the constant line of people coming up to the table to talk to us.  It's cool.  There are some people there that I've met that I like.  They are friendly. They talk to me and include me in the conversation.  I try really hard to pay attention, understand and contribute.

But there were also some people who were not these things.  One girl came up just because she heard I was there and she wanted to look at me.  The only problem was I was not in the mood to be looked at.  In that way.  That way where I am foreign and different and she doesn't want to 'know' me, she wants to look at me.
Another friend came up and had several lengthy conversations with Ro while completely ignoring me.  In that way where you talk to one person directly and don't even glance in the other person's direction.
Another guy came up to us, said hi to Ro, shook his hand, said hi to the waiter friend serving us, patted him on the back, and didn't even look my way for a second before leaving!  Totally snubbed!

I just don't get this.  After the third time, even Ro's nice waiter friend commented on it. "Some people just don't have good social skills".  Ro said "I think it's a cultural thing."  Cultural thing?  Try really rude thing.  

I don't think it is a cultural thing because not everyone is like that here in Brazil.  But this specific situation has happened to me on more than one occasion and it makes me feel so invisible and unimportant.  Not to mention it's just f'ing RUDE.  It really just widens the gap I feel here with making friends with Brazilians.
*I have to repeat though that IT'S NOT LIKE THIS WITH EVERYONE.  In fact, I've met some really really awesome Brazilians who I think I can consider my friends.*

Maybe if this situation happened in another weeks time, I would be able to just brush it off but on Friday it just hit me like toothache.  Annoying, painful and... toothy??  Terrible simile.  Whatever! It hurt my feelings a lot.  I just felt like such an outsider.  Anyway.

Lookin forward to our bloggy date this weekend!  I want to see you all!!!  Even (especially) you guys who have to travel far distances.  Plleeeeeeeeeease come!

Laura is coming!!!

I am sooo excited!!  My friend Laura just let me know that she's booked a flight and is COMING to visit me in November!!!  Oh man, I can't even wait. 

Last night I hung out with a friend that I met randomly in Outback Steakhouse.  Funny story.  She heard me speaking English.  She made the first move.  I'm so glad she did because at the point I'd been here for only 2 months and wasn't feeling desperate enough brave enough to start approaching random English speakers.  (I'm there now so I am so so so so grateful that she spoke to me!!  I totally get it!) 

It was a great evening of English speaking, eating, drinking and good company.  I miss speaking English so badly.  What I really miss though, is something I haven't even had until now.  I miss speaking English with another foreigner who understands what I'm going through.  Is it any wonder that I rely on our blog network to share/discuss information about the goods, the bads and the uglies?  I don't have any other social network that lets me vent and observe in the same way.  That, of course, is part of the sacrifice of living in the suburbs of the city.

I've started to realize that if I really want some friends I've got to just go for it.  Just be honest.  I'm starting to just say it.  I'm telling my students.  Guys, I got no friends and ps. don't speak English like that.  I'll travel distances. 

Do you guys want to come to Rio for a weekend in August?  There is a big multicultural event happening over 2 weekends and I figure, what better time than that to come together.  The dates are 20-22 and 27-29 of August.  I'll get more details and post!

the troubling parts

I think the biggest thing that gets me down here is just the lack of social circle I have.  I'm so lucky to have my husband and he is definitely my best friend - sorta along the lines of Rachel's description of a great partner, lover, and soulmate. 
But he goes to work sometimes (!) and sometimes I just wish I could invite a girlfriend over to have drinks with or watch movies with or to go out with.  Someone who can just hang out with me all night and eat junk food and gossip with me. 

Having close friendships (even just one or two - I'm more of a quality over quantity person myself) are what I miss the most about Canada.  It's also probably the worst thing about my job.  Both of the main offices at my school are in Centro and I travel to my students' place of business to teach their classes.  This means I don't often come into contact with my coworkers.  In fact, I don't know any of the other teachers (minus maybe one or two who I've met) and I don't know any native speakers here.  Sure, I've met quite a few Brazilians but nobody who I've been able to develop a friendship with (aside from my husband's amazing friends, but nobody lives close enough to just 'come over' for the night). 

I miss the companionship of people who speak my language though.  People who just understand what things are like across the border(s).  I know some of you out there have gone through a similar situation to my own.  Any advice on how to meet people?