My Guide to Being a Good Teacher

After I wrote my last post (about my *ahem* PORTUGUESE-TEACHING HUSBAND *ahem*), I obviously started thinking about ways I could help him optimize his teaching career.  I started thinking about teaching in general, and about what makes someone a 'good' teacher.

A lot of people assume that   

Moving to another country = Teaching *insert native language*.

  
A lot of speakers of said native language (let's be honest, the native language is often English) believe the following mathematical equation.

I speak English ∴ I can teach English. 

Many disgruntled, certified teachers of English would disagree with this, including myself to an extent.  Problem is that many people don't even like teaching and can't really teach!  But my latest epiphany might suggest otherwise (or at least suggest that you don't necessarily have to be certified to enjoy and be a good teacher).   

Ok, I agree that you need to have knowledge of your language (and it's certainly helpful to have knowledge of the student's native language, but not totally necessary).  English speakers united know that we didn't learn grammar in school in the same way that, let's say, Brazilians learned it.  That means that when you suddenly try to teach-up some English grammar to a non-English speaker, you're gonna get served.

Understanding your own language is key, but there are also other ways to be a great ESL teacher, even without the years of formacão, or even without a CELTA certificate (neither of which I have and my crappy 40 hour TESL Certificate was completed about 6 years before I started teaching).  P.S. I would consider myself a good teacher because a) I love teaching and b) My students told me I am.  That's proof enough for me!

So some tips, if I may.....

Tip #1:  PREPARE.  Research as much online about parts of a sentence, tenses and forms, conditionals, modals etc etc as you can.  You don't wanna look like a dummy.
**Side Note I knew none of these terms prior to teaching English.  At least I'd forgotten ALL of them, except for maybe adjective, adverb and noun, but that's because I used to play hella MadLibs as a kid. 

Tip #2:  NEEDS, GOALS, TIMEFRAME.  Always do a Needs Analysis with your students to find out why they need English, in what contexts they will use English, and what they are interested in.  Then follow through with subjects and topics that are interesting to them.

Tip #3:  STRUCTURE.  Ok, some people want conversation classes.  Great.  But I can guarantee they will learn less by ONLY having conversation classes than they would learn if they used a book.  Books are your friends.  Teachers (especially un-certified ones) are not lesson writers, they are not syllabus creators, and you are doing your students a disservice by not following an order in which they learn grammar.  A trained and qualified person has already created an awesome way to present a lesson, why not use it??  (I love Oxford books, Danielle uses Cambridge - you get to choose!)

Tip #4:  BE A PERSON.  This is a biggie - While I realize that being structured is important (your students pay you to learn English) they also don't want a classroom setting (or they'd go to Cultural Inglesa).  Be a person, people!  Be fun.  Be funny!  Talk about your weeks together.  Talk about your plans.  Share with them and let them share with you.  Care about your students.  Recent feedback from a couple of my students is that this is one of the best parts about learning private English.  

Tip #5: NOW BREAK THE STRUCTURE.  Break the structure once in a while (ooo que taboo!) and learn music and songs that THEY like (the temptation to give them music that YOU like is strong, but it's their class, not yours).  Here's a website to give you some ideas.  Have a conversation class that lets them vent about their boss or their job.  Make sure you always write down their mistakes, though, and give corrective feedback.  This is still a class.


Tip #6:  GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK.  Another reason they're paying you.  I divide a sheet of paper into three sections:  Vocabulary; Pronunciation; Grammar.  I use the phonemic chart to illustrate proper pronunciation.  You can download a super app to your iPhone called Sounds.  I write their mistake (the way they say it) and ask them to try to understand the mistake before correcting it for them.

Tip #7:  IF YOU DON'T KNOW, SAY THAT.  Don't give false information.  Just say you're not sure and that you'll find out.  And then do it and follow up.


Tip #8:  BE ORGANIZED AND PROFESSIONAL.  Decide on your goals.  I give everyone a FREE experimental class to talk about information and rates.  I give them a copy of the information and rates.
Do you care about a consistent income and schedule?  I do.  I schedule my students at a regular time.  They have the chance to reschedule (not cancel) only one class per month.  I charge a monthly price (depending on # of hours per week).  I calculate # of hours/week x 52 weeks/year ÷ 12 months/year = avg monthly price.  My students pay their monthly rates up in their first class of the month.  

I will stop there, because those are what I consider to be the basics.  Everyone has a different teaching style, and you'll definitely learn through trial and error.  You'll look back at when you started and realize how little you knew.  That's ok.  Everyone has to learn somewhere.  

Not everyone is certified, or a linguistics master, or even loves the language.  Sometimes it's your best option in a foreign country.  The point of this post was to encourage people who are teaching, or thinking about teaching, to give English the respect it deserves by being a responsible teacher.  We are lucky to have our language and are in powerful positions to share it!  

Now I know you will all have some additional tips to offer, so post them in the comments!  If you're a student of English, post your ideas about great teachers too!  The other beauty of teaching is the sharing.  Everyone has something different that works for them, and I'm always looking for new innovative ways to do what I do!


Happy Teaching and Peace Out!

Bonding Time with Friends: A Story of Waxing, Beers, and Haircuts

There is nothing quite like the value of friendship.  Especially when you are a Stranger in a Strange Land.  (YES!  You don't know how happy I am to make that reference for myself, finally!)

Maybe you've been wondering, "How can I bring my friendships closer?  How can we have a more intimate relationship with my girlfriends?"  The answer is:  Waxing.
Girls waxing their crotches together is a speedy and reliable way to bring you to a level of comfort and  intimacy you never thought possible.  I've referenced other intimate waxing experiences in the past *ahem, watched Laura get a Brazilian, ahem* so you can trust me that I'm experienced in this field.  

Haha!  Waxing neither feels nor looks ANYTHING like this!

Just the nature of the activity demands that you discuss your crotches in detail with each other.  Details you'd probably be embarrassed to share in any other circumstance (but this is Brazil and Brazilians are notorious for being insanely comfortable talking about and showing off their bodies, so you join the party).

It's extra special when two of your party are getting the wax for the very first time, ever.  It's total unknown territory, and the idea of a stranger putting her hands all over an area which in the past has strictly been reserved for yourself, your partner, and your doctor is a little unnerving and guaranteed to bring you closer to your friends (physically closer, out of pure terror).

Then when one friend says, "This comes without the anus, right?"
and you say, "Oh no, this one comes with the anus waxed"
and she says, "No!! I don't want to wax my anus!!"
and you say, "Yes you do.  You definitely want to wax your anus.  She'll have the Virilha Total WITH the anus waxed, please."

Well, it goes without saying that you've now discussed waxing your friends' anus and therefore you are now, officially, closer than ever. 

The anus in question come up again later as you're, as gently as possible, trying to coach your friends through the waxing process.

"Then she will tell you to vira and segura seu bum bum".
"We have to turn over and hold our asses open to wax the anus?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
(Exclamations NOT an exaggeration!!!!!!!!)
"Yes, you will need to hold the cheeks to help her out."
"Do we have to get on all fours???????" (this one made us laugh hysterically for around 7 minutes)
"No", I answer while wiping tears away.  "You can lay on your stomach, just hold your bum open!"


 **** Several stressful moments (for everyone) later, you're all smooth as a baby****

Having a freshly waxed crotch also makes you want to, obviously, drop your pants and show it off!  This may or may not be a good idea, but I suppose that depends on the deepness of the intimacy of your friendships.  My friends and I still have a few more waxes to get through before we reach this level, but it was definitely on the table!

After a lot of sweating and heart pounding, but albeit a good quality wax, beer is a definite must.  You need to discuss, in detail, the proceedings of the waxing.
"Did it hurt as much as you thought?"
"Well, she put one slab of wax on and couldn't get it off because the hair was too long!  I started to wonder if maybe I could just live with this giant slab of dried wax on my crotch forever."

After you get a little tipsy at the bar, it's time to part ways.  Two of you decide to make it a whole day of hair removal and get your hair cut (even though we already know how this is another stress point for you).  Since you have no evidence of a good place to cut your hair, you wander into the best looking place you pass.

Hair cutting with a friend is very intimate, especially because you get to watch, and be watched, during that moment in every haircut that makes you think "Oh no, this is gonna look like shit.... oh wait, she fixed that part.  Ok, crisis averted."

In the end, it works out because you are with your friend and that gives you some kind of super power moral support!

And so concludes The Guide to Bonding With Your Friends!  A lovely day it was!  Thanks girls :)

Getting a Manicure in Brazil

Just got back from one of the most aggressive manicures I've ever had here in Rio.  Manicures are a very interesting experience.  Nothing like your tender, relaxing manicure from home (at least in my experiences they have always been a relaxing experience).  That's not to say you can't find that kind of experience here too, but when you enter into the salon that says "Mão e Pé: R$20" you know you're not going to get the tender relaxing experience.

You're gonna get the 'let's do this as fast as possible so we can push more people through the salon' experience.

My toes are burning!  Bitch cut my skin off!  Lol, sorry for the foul language, but really.  That was one of the sloppiest mani/pedis I've ever had.  She really went to work.

A little advice if you're going for your first (or millionth) time, I really really stress that you need to keep a completely open mind.  In the beginning, it will seem like a giant mess.  Plus, everyone does it a little differently.  They really go to work hacking off any little tiny speck of cuticle (even the invisible specks) causing you to bleed occasionally (and then they put some sort of anti-bleeding foam on the wound).  You can see they are prepared for bleeders.  They don't always put your hands and toes in water.  Especially at these 20 dolla places, they usually just spray your tips and put a glove on you.  Haha.  Even as I write this I can't believe how cheap it sounds.

After you've gone through the wet, cut, and file period, they SLLLOPPP on the nail polish of your choice.  Whatever colour you want.  Slopped right on there.  Everywhere.  Then they sllloppp another coat over top of that.  Next they remove nailpolish at the tip of the nail with their thumb, leaving an ugly little white line at the top, sort of like a french manicure but ugly.  Next they remove their messy work using a pointy little stick and some cotton and polish remover.  Seems a little backwards, but ok.  I don't see why you didn't just put it on neatly in the first place, but alright.  Finally, a little oil to dry you up quick and pull the whole thing together.

This was my first impression of manicures here.  Now.  Funny story.  I went back to Canada last Christmas, if you recall, and had a manicure there.  Guys.  It was terrible.  I see the benefit to slopping on the polish.  That way you cover the whole nail.  I see the benefit to massacring my cuticle.  My hand looks so light and skinny after.  I see why you leave that ugly little line.  It helps keep my nail polish from chipping!  The oily substance in the end really does dry the polish faster.

So all in all, my verdict for best manicure goes to BRAZIL!  I guess once you go bloody massacre, you never go back.

Cutting your Hair in Brazil

If you came to this post looking for some helpful tips on how to find a good hairdresser or useful vocabulary to help you with cutting your hair while in Brazil, move it along.  You ain't gonna find anything helpful here.  In fact, if you HAVE helpful tips or useful vocab, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD post them in the comments!

It's taken me 2 years trying to find a good hairdresser, trying to build up some helpful vocab, trying to show pictures and explain (at least with actions) what I want.  I've never gone back to the same hairdresser twice.  I've gone back for a re-cut about 5 of the 7 times I've had my hair cut.  I've cried afterwards 4 of the 7 times.  It has been truly traumatizing for me to find a hairdresser.

I think it all started when I was about 8 years old and my mom took me to her hairdresser, a bald European man named Ram.  I cried after that cut because "I looked like a lion and I didn't want to look like a lion".  Damn beautiful mane.  There began my complex.  

The problem is that I have such a SPECIFIC idea in my mind, that no other cut can live up to what I am imagining.  Trust me, I have done serious research so that I can explain accurately the tool needed for some effect, or how high my layering should start (in English, of course).  I am a freak, I know it.  I just wish I could cut my own hair.  Oh, ps.  I've gone home and cut my own hair MYSELF all 7 times I've had my hair cut in Brazil. 

So hair cutting time arrived again yesterday.  I looked for lots of pictures online because this time I was getting a drastic cut.  This time I was going short.  I've had short(ish) hair all my life - I like it better on me and I think it looks way more modern and cool.  This long hair business in Brazil was overwhelming (see: about 80% of women have long long LONG hair).  I tried to grow it just to fit in a bit better.  In fact I've been growing it out for the last year.  But I've been getting sick of long hair.  It's just not me.

So yesterday I went to the salon.

I have this idea that more expensive is better - I don't know if it's necessarily true but I want to believe that they are more experienced or it's more difficult to get into the fancy salons.  I went to a pretty big chain here called Werner's (tip: It's 10% cheaper if you go Monday-thursday and it's 10% more on that if you pay in cash.  But it still costs freaking R$62 after all those discounts.  Ugh).

Fast forward to the end of the cut.  I didn't like it (obviously) but I asked him to fix up a few parts here and there.  Problem is, my vocab is limited to "Eu queria que ele ficar mais curto aqui, Nao queria tao comprido.  Pode usar aquela coisinha (make action of a razer slicing) para cortar este parte aqui?  Na verdade, eu queria mais (make action of different levels in my head implying layers)".  So you see, it's the filler parts , the most important parts, that I have trouble with.

So at home, I started to hate the cut.  That and my husband didn't react with a lot of excitement, so then of course I was in a bad mood for the rest of the night.  I decided to go back today.

I hate going back because they always look pissed off, like I interrupted his lunch (which I probably did since I went in at noon).  The guy said "Fala" when he saw me, so abruptly so I abrubtly said "I don't like it anymore".  Haha, blunt gets blunt!

This time we sat down at the chair and he spent another hour with me trying to decipher my made-up language.  This time, I told him the name of the hair cut I wanted.  Lucky me, he recognized it.  (Tip: LEARN THE NAME OF THE STYLE YOU LIKE!  ASK YOUR HAIRDRESSER BEFORE COMING TO BRAZIL SO YOU CAN TELL THE HAIRDRESSER HERE THE NAME OF THE CUT.  Sometimes they know, sometimes they don't, but it's helpful).

So without further ado, here is a before (a few months ago) and after of my new hair cut!

 Am I cute?

Acupuncture in Brazil

One of the items on my list of goals last week was to start acupuncture.  By start, I mean start completely from scratch and add Portuguese into the mix.  Hoorah!

I've never done acupuncture before but I've heard really REALLY good things about it.  Everyone that I know who has done it (and there are a surprisingly large amount of people who have), has said it fixed them right up.

Now, the traditional view on acupuncture is that is helps with pain.  It sure does.  But did you also know that it is also very effective in treating emotional difficulties as well?  People use acupuncture for stress, depression, weight loss (rather, controlling your food intake), sleep disorders and general well-being.

I went for all of the above. 

As I briefly mentioned before, I just came out of another rather lengthy bout of depression that left me feeling pretty directionless and, in spite of sounding melodramatic, hopeless.

But I've taken medication in the past for depression and I don't like what it does for me.  I am really determined to beat, or at least control, my depressive episodes chemical-free and as holistically as possible.  For one thing, I personally enjoy holistic activities, so it's almost a morbid excuse to pursue a hobby when I'm in a state of depression.  Kill two birds with one stone.  har har.

So, acupuncture.  Have you done it?  You should.

I found my acupuncturist by looking on the website of my health plan, Amil.  On the Amil website you can look up services by which plan you have.  Pretty simple.  They let you search by neighbourhood too so that's what I did.

The first appointment was a consultation where the doctor asked me a lot of health-history related questions.  It was a real interesting experience, trying to understand in Portuguese.  First, he asked me if I experience TPM.  Well, what the hell is that Doc?  It's that period that women go through... when they menstruate.... Ahhhh... PMS.  Later on, more vagina-related questions that were awkward as hell to act-out.  Even our hand puppets were feeling uncomfortable, as they shamefully tried to demonstrate what secreção vaginal anormal might mean.  (abnormal vaginal secretion).  Lovely.

But we got through it with only a few tears.  Literally, I cried at one point.  But only a little.  Ok, actually a lot.  It was stressful!

Today's appointment was the real thing.  The nurse took me into a tiny private room and told me to put on the gown, opened at the front.  That gown barely covered the back half of my body, even though I shouldn't be uncomfortable with full-frontal nudity in front of strangers anymore in Brazil.  I did try my best to at least cover my privates.

Then the doctor came in and I lay down on the paper bed while he did some tappy tappy thing on my rib cage and asked me to stick out my tongue.  (Do doctor's still ask to look at your tongue??)  He had shown me the needles in the consult and assured me that they are so small, they could fit inside a standard needle.  Basically they are even thinner than a pin.

He stuck the first needle right in my forehead, which I thought was an interesting place to start, because that didn't freak me out at all.  I wish I could literally write sarcasm into words.

Then he continued down my body.  Two in my sternum.  One in my belly.  Two on the side of each bicep.  Two on the side of each calf.  Two on the tops of each of my feet.

He explained that he would leave me for 10 minutes and then *someone* (because I didn't understand *who*) would come in and warm up the needles.  Huh?  That part I didn't understand but, as usual, when you don't understand something in Brazil, you just say yes until you learn what it is you have accepted.  Then you know whether you like 'that thing' or not.  Fun times.

So I waited.  I was fully aware of the needles on the entire left side of my body because that side was pulsing strongly.  I felt that the equilibrium in my body was totally off and was especially not liking the left side.  It pulsed like that for about 3 or 4 minutes before finally relaxing... and I mean really relaxing.  Everything felt very peaceful.
My heart beat was also very loud and strong and with every beat, it felt like a big ball of energy was passing itself back and forth over my chest, from needle point to needle point.  It was crazy and I was so aware of this feeling of flowing, moving energy!  It was like a ball of energy that actually had some weight to it, floating back and forth over my chest.  Very cool and interesting sensation. 

After the forewarned 10 minutes had passed, the nurse came in with this smoking thing (no idea what) and she proceeded to HEAT UP the needles.  Ahhh... so this is the elusive *someone*.  And hot damn, that's hot!  She really heated up the needle in my belly to the point that I almost said something, but she stopped before I could and left me for another 5 minutes.  Then she told me I was free!

After I left the consult, I was feeling pretty good, but I'm not sure how much of that was purely psychological.  I did read that when treating emotional conditions, acupuncture usually takes about 4 sessions to notice a different.  Either way, I'm really happy I went and plan to go back every week for more.

So, anyone else have super interesting stories of how acupuncture changed their lives?   For good or bad?

If you're interested in knowing more, this is a good article which talks about if acupuncture is for you or not. 

Lazy Sunday...

A redundant title for today... Every Sunday = LAZY for me!

Today's lazy Sunday weather is: Rainy.
Today's lazy Sunday's breakfast is: Pancakes.
Today's lazy Sunday activity is: Watching a movie with my cats.  Yes, we do this together.  Shut up!
Today's lazy Sunday chore is: Ironing.  Simply because it's gotta get done and I didn't do it on Spectacular Saturday.  

I think I'll add vacuuming to my Sunday chores because, damnit, there is cat hair is everywhere!  Damn all this cuddling with my adorable cats! 

Also, just for your own personal pancake-eating pleasure, I'm posting the recipe for the most AMAZING, perfect-every-time, even-your-Brazilian-Inlaws-will-love-them, pancakes.

Kudos to Amelia, and her delicious blog, for the recipe!

Here are some tips to making perfect pancakes:

1. Before you ladle on the pancake batter, wipe access butter off the griddle with a folded paper towel. This will make sure you have perfectly browned pancakes.

2. Use all purpose flour in the batter. Cake flour can turn soggy when you top it with syrup. Experiment with different flours like buckwheat or whole wheat just substitute half of the all purpose for any of these.

3. Never whisk batter until it's smooth. Lumps are a good thing and will result in fluffier pancakes.

4. Flip pancakes just as the surface bubbles begin to burst. Flipping them after makes for flatter pancakes.

5. When adding blueberries, bananas or chocolate chips (only some of the many additions you can make) sprinkle them over the batter right after they have been poured on the griddle. This will make sure they are distributed evenly and it also makes them look prettier on the plate, which can sometimes be just as important as how they taste.

6. Warm pure maple syrup before serving. It makes for a certain extra little bit of specialness to the morning (or evening, whatever, no judgement here)

Here's a good (basic) recipe that should keep 'em coming for more:

• 1 cup all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, or vegetable oil
• 1 large egg
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• Assorted toppings, such as butter, maple syrup, confectioners' sugar, honey, jams, preserves, sweetened whipped cream, or chocolate syrup
• Directions

1. Preheat oven to 200 degrees; have a baking sheet or heatproof platter ready to keep cooked pancakes warm in the oven. In a small bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt; set aside.
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together milk, butter (or oil), and egg. Add dry ingredients to milk mixture; whisk until just moistened (do not overmix; a few small lumps are fine).
3. Heat a large skillet (nonstick or cast-iron) or griddle over medium. Fold a sheet of paper towel in half, and moisten with oil; carefully rub skillet with oiled paper towel.
4. For each pancake, spoon 2 to 3 tablespoons of batter onto skillet, using the back of the spoon to spread batter into a round (you should be able to fit 2 to 3 in a large skillet).
5. Cook until surface of pancakes have some bubbles and a few have burst, 1 to 2 minutes. Flip carefully with a thin spatula, and cook until browned on the underside, 1 to 2 minutes more. Transfer to a baking sheet or platter; cover loosely with aluminum foil, and keep warm in oven. Continue with more oil and remaining batter. (You'll have 12 to 15 pancakes.) Serve warm, with desired toppings.

HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE!

How to Find an Apartment in Rio and Not Kill Yourself

We're about to enter a new stage of life and it feels like the night before the first day at school.  Or, maybe the night before the next 3-4 years of University, because that's sort of what it is.  Little piece of advice, when you rent an apartment here in Rio, the typical contract is 30 months (2 1/2 years) so you better love the place you're living in, like you love a French hooker.  And who doesn't love a good French hooker.  

I sure do, now!  (love my apartment, that is)

Not that that means we'll be here fo shizzle (Mom!) but that has sort of been our plans in terms of length of stay in Rio for the next little while.

Now that it's (almost) 100% a done deal (we still need to sign the contract and get the keys), I'd like to highlight the joy that it is to rent an apartment in Rio.  Oh, wait, did I say joy?  I meant pure headache and bane of my existence.

First, when you are looking for that apartment of your dreams, be prepared to never find it.  Or at least for it to take a solid week (I'm talking 8 hours a day for 7 days straight) or more, of searching.  You will go through countless apartments that should be ashamed of themselves for showing up to The Ball dressed like that.  I mean, I wouldn't let people see me with literal streaks of dirt running down my body and broken arms and legs.  But they have no shame.

So you'll see the crap apartments, but you'll know immediately that they are crap and quickly move on to the next ones.

How do you find these apartments, you ask?

You'll need to buy the O Globo paper every Wednesday and Sunday (that's when the majority of apartments are listed, and even more-so on Sunday).  Don't even both with the online stuff.  Most of the same apartments, plus way more, are in the paper. 

Then, don't make the mistake of calling to arrange a time for a couple days into the future.  No no, you'll have to make sure you take an entire day off work and then call the apartments the day you want to see them in the hopes that they haven't already been rented.  It's that easy impossible, folks. 

Once your hard labour has paid off and you find the apartment of your dreams, you'll run into more problems!
Most places in Rio these days are asking for a fiador.  This is a co-signer and this person has to OWN property in RIO.  Forget about your uncle who owns a million dollar mansion in São Paulo (ok, still not us).  Fiadors can be Rio-owning co-signers ONLY.

Well, we don't have that, which makes life so much more interesting for us. 

Option Two: Seguro Fiança.  Here you can opt to pay R$2,500 (per year) to the bank so that they will act as your fiador.  This is not a deposit.  You do not get this money back.  You must pay it every year that you are living in the apartment.  Ridiculous option?? I agree.  FAIL!

Option Three: Capitalização.  It's like a deposit/savings account done through the bank.  They ask for a minimum 6 months rent/condo fee, which in our case is about R$2000.  The owner of the apartment can accept the minimum or ask for more.  The other apartment we were looking at was asking for TEN.  That's twenty-thousand reais.  R$20,000.  !!!???  The freaking 1 bedroom apartment costs R$2000 per month!  What makes you think I have R$20,000 just sitting around, waiting to be used?!?

Option Four (and the options that the angels made available for us): STRAIGHT UP DEPOSIT!  This is probably the least common method, which really limits your options, but also your decisions!  Our apartment is still asking for a bazillion dollars (3 months deposit and 3 months of rent up front) but since we did have a little bit saved up, we can do it. 

My advice would be to have about 6 months worth of rent saved up so that you can offer this as a deposit option to people who are being jerks and insisting on a fiador.  

As for you, if you don't have one of these options available to you, you might be renting a room in a party house or in an older lady's house.  I'm serious.  Does anyone else have experience renting outside of these options?  If so, I believe you found a miracle.

As for us, we got our place and we get the keys on Monday...!!! Wahoo!

What to do if you have some free time in Rio...

Go see the Sao Sebastiao Metropolian Cathedral in Cinelandia.... It's pretty cool and you know you always look at it but just never go in...

Things I would miss about Brazil

Well, I'm coming up on my one year anniversary in less than 2 weeks and, coincidently (or not), I'm also heading home for the holidays for the first time since we arrived.  All of this has got me really thinking about the things I'm now going to miss leaving Brazil in search for the things I was missing about Canada for the first, oh say, 11 months of being in Brazil.  (This last month those feelings have been dying out a little bit but that may have to do with the fact that I will soon be at home, eating me some curry and Thai food.)

So, some of the things I will and would miss about Brazil (it took me a little while to get to this place of appreciating things here enough to miss them):


1. Bakeries and fresh bread every single day.  Well, let's just stick to bakeries, plain and simple.  I love the bakery around the corner.  I can go have a nice little breakfast of suco da laranga and misto quente any time I want.  If I have a craving for a Twix, my little corner bakery has the fix!  (Rhyme not intentional but staying!)  If I want to have a beer, the bakery is near! (Now I'm having fun).  You can even do a little mini shopping at my little mini bakery.  Actually it's a giant bakery.

2. Drinking chopp.  Chopp is draught beer and it isn't draught beer at the same time.  It's its own special Brazilian version of draught beer.  So super cold and small enough that it stays that way until the end.  I don't think I can go back to pints. 

2b. Chopp anywhere, anytime.  Yep.  No joke.  Favourites would be quiosques (kiosks) by the beach, the little hole-in-the-wall bars in zona sul, or, as mentioned above, the bakery!


3. Body comfortability.  Ok, this one's a bit of a contradiction.  Cariocas (The Brazilians from Rio for anyone who didn't know that yet...) are ridiculous about their bodies.  I'm serious.  These people are working out in the gym for inhuman lengths of time and at least 8 times per week. 

On the flip side, if you go to the beach, you gots your crazies but you ALSO have your OTHER crazies.  The crazies who are totally comfortable with their bodies, albeit some may say they 'shouldn't be wearing something so small'.  Y'know what? It's given me a HEALTHY view of body acceptance and I LOVE Rio for that.  I see that everyone just lets it all hang out (for some that means more than others) and it's so refreshing to see that people are comfortable with themselves, regardless of media-invented images of beauty.

Ladies and Gentlemen, how many of you out there have TRULY accepted your body the way it is?  How many can say they TRULY love themselves and their bodies??  Not even me, but I'm really working on it and Rio is helping.

4. Ice cream!!  Some of the best ice cream is here!  Sooo good on a hot-ass day.  I've actually never eaten so much ice cream in my entire life put together as I have in my first year in Brazil.

5. Speaking Portuguese.  Ironic?  I will really miss speaking Portuguese.  Jesus, I worked so hard to get my Portuguese down, I don't want to lose it!  Learning a language is hard folks!  If you already learned it once, don't screw yourself over by forcing yourself to learn it again.  So grateful for my Brazilian other half!  I's lucky.

6. The Beach.  Did I actually say that?  Ok, so it's no secret that I'm not a giant fan of going to sit in the sand for hours on end, but I do like running and biking by the beach, drinking coconut water at the beach, and sitting in a quiosque on a Saturday afternoon listening to the families come out to drink and shoot the shit.  Also, I love to watch these guys working on their tan.

7. People Selling Shit Everywhere.  Although I don't really buy stuff from the vendors very often, I'm not opposed and it's nice to know that if I needed something, it's right there.  I love the guys who jump on their bus selling "jujubes um real, amendoim um real, chiclete 3 por um real, paçoca um real" and I love how the bus drivers let them on for free until they get to their stop.  Nice camaraderie!  It's nice to see that there are jobs for many people, even if they aren't the most ideal or appealing. 

So, Brazil, at the end of one year, there are things I can truly say I am enjoying about you.  I've met some great people here, I've discovered my career, I've learnt a new language and I've spent a lot of time with myself reflecting (and now I know I need to see a psychologist regularly 'just to talk')... but all good!  Looking forward to the next year!  But first.... home time!!!

Where To Go To the Bathroom in Rio de Janeiro

So, my line of work is full of movement.  Yes, I'm a teacher.  But I'm essentially a private teacher.  This means that I am all over the city travelling to my students place of business or home.

When doing this you have to be smart about how to schedule your classes.  There's nothing worse than having to go to Flamengo for noon, then boot it all the way to Ipanema for 1:30 and back up to Centro for a 3 pm class.  No sir, that is asking for stress, and stress I want none of.

So I group my classes and plan them so that I'm in Ipanema during this time, Flamengo this time, Centro this time.  You want a class? You gotta make it work in these times.  And usually they do!  This is also the power of the native teacher in a foreign country... :)

Now, hot Rio weather = me drinking tons of water (or at least trying to).  And you all learned a long time ago what happens when you drink a lot of water.  That's right.  Every hour.

Usually I can use the bathrooms in the offices I work at, but sometimes (and at some student's houses) it's not exactly appropriate or offered to me so I need to go in search of a bathroom on the street.  This can be a little tricky because public bathrooms here aren't exactly in optimal conditions.  Ie. piss all over the seat and floor, no toilet paper, no soap... I even once saw that someone had missed (???) the toilet entirely and crapped on the floor instead.  Clearly, they didn't see this sign:

I can totally imagine that situation.  The person is having one of those SERIOUSLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY situations.  They made it into the stall and facing the toilet started desperately jumping around, fumbling to unbutton and unzip their pants (and you know you can NEVER get it done smoothly - Smooth is Fast People!)
But the emergency would have been SO severe and SO uncontrollable that the poop just fell out of their butt before they had time to turn around and sit.  Then, they decided 'well, they have someone here that will clean up my poop so I'll just leave it for the poor foreign teacher to look at while she hovers about the toilet precariously, trying to avoid the other voided material surrounding her.'

GAAAAAASSSSSSSSPPPPPPP!

This is why I have developed a guide to help you and your loved ones on their quests -nay, RIGHTS- for a decent bathroom.

1.  Ipanema (General Osorio) 
A little difficult to find a place here unless you go to a restaurant.  The place I use the most is the bathroom in the McDonalds at Visconde da Piraja and Vinicius de Moraes.  About 5 mins walk from the metro but there are several restaurants that would let you use the bathroom if you just smile sweetly enough and bat your eyes a little.  Also, asking if you can use the bathroom rapidinho seems to help.
There is actually a bathroom right in the metro station too (located at the cashiers counter and before you pay) but it's not very nice.  It's just convenient.  

2. Copacabana (Cardeal Arcoverde)
I believe the street is actually Cardeal Arcoverde but either way, it's the main street out of the subway that goes towards the beach and has a Bob's on the corner.  The Bob's bathroom is always out of service but if you walk about a block from Bob's, there is a little botequo that says "Bathroom: R$2".  Again, if you smile sweetly and say "rapidinho" they won't charge you the R$2 and it's clean enough.

3. Flamengo (Largo do Machado)
The best bathroom here is in the Oi Futuro building, located on 2 de dezembro.  It's on the right-hand side, halfway down and it's a free cultural art centre.  You go in (don't mind the guards, they always look at you accusingly but you don't have to pay) and take the elevator to very top floor (8th) where there is a little cafe with a very nice bathroom.  They also have free wi-fi and some F'd up exhibitions on regularly so, while you're at it, stay a while to take in the craziness inside Oi Futuro. 

4. Centro (Carioca)
I have yet to find a free bathroom here but I did find a decent pay-bathroom in this little downstairs mall that is in the same complex as the Bob's Restaurant, located directly outside of the Carioca metro station.  You go down the escalators and pay R$1.50 to use the bathroom.  Just remember, you have to pick up your toilet paper on the way into the stall.  Definitely forgot that about 17 times already.

5. Centro (Uruguaiana)
Lots of Fast Food restaurants like Bobs, McD's...

6. Centro (Cinelandia)
The worst options for bathrooms are in Cinelandia.  Yes, you can use the Bob's on Presidente Wilson but it's actually disgusting.  The only option I would really suggest is to sneak into the Vale building on Santa Luzia because they have a bathroom on the main level so you don't have to check in with the front desk.  Just make sure you're not wearing shorts or Havaianas because the dress code inside is strict and you don't wanna mess with them.  The bathroom is so worth it though ;)

In Barra da Tijuca it's much easier to find places to go to the bathroom because there are lots of malls that have bathrooms.  Barra Shopping has bathrooms apparently made for Queens so whenever possible, go there.

Reminders when using all public bathrooms:
-squat, don't sit
-throw paper in the garbage (even though it goes against every moral fibre of your being)
-wash your hands and try to open the lock and door with a paper towel (I've seen some nastiness out there)
-have fun!  It's a free-for-all in there so go nuts

Livin' it up in Centro

I have a love/hate relationship with Centro.

Ok, so let's get the negative out of the way first.

First, it's busy as SHIT.  And not in a 'wow, this city is lively! There's so much action going on!" way.  It's more of a 'move your ass and walk faster or get out of the way!!!' kind of way.  Add to the mix of sloooooooow-walking Cariocas the millions of vendedores selling crap that you would have never thought of buying in your life.  Rabbit ear TV antenna circa 1950?  A bootleg copy of Windows 95?  A squishy strawberry toy thing you can splat on the ground and watch it magically return to it's original shape?  A book light headband?  Ok, the book light headband I'll take but you can leave the other crap thankyouverymuch.

Then you have your 'flyer' guys.  These guys (and girls) are the worst.  They stand in the middle of the sidewalk giving out tiny pieces of what I can only describe as scrap paper.  I use the term 'giving out' lightly.  It's not really your option to take a scrap of paper - they are literally shoved down your throat and into your hands.  Sometimes 3, 4, 5 people right in a row.

Now combine the millions of slow-walkers, the seller guys (and don't forget the ones selling popcorn, cashews, candied peanuts and coconut, chocolate, gum, agua/coka/skol um real um real etc) the paper pushers, wrap it all up on really small sidewalks with maniac traffic by your side (let's be fair - also throw in that I'm late, as always, and lost) and you have yourself a goddamn mess!

P.S. This is a very special illustration of the area I love to hate aka. Uruguiana.

Now.  What I love.

Cinelandia and Carioca (the areas as defined by their metro stations).  Here you have the magnificence of old Rio.  Cobblestoned streets line the busy roads from a safe far distance and you have fantastic views of Teatro Municipal (which every day looks more and more spectacular to me).

Beside the theatre is some ridiculously awesome looking government building (I'm sorry I really don't know what the building is - Camera dos vereadores is what is being whispered in my ear). Across the street sits the Biblioteca Nacional, and you can find my feelings of this building here.

Today, while walking from Carioca station, I just happened upon this little outdoor theatre show that seemed to be centred around some Brazilian religious archetypes.  Later I learned it was the story of some important characters of Brazilian history.   I saw the story of Anastacia, a slave who suffered so many rapings and beatings they referred to her as A Santa (the saint).

The show was hardcore.  There were bare breasts and all.  The real deal.  It was very interesting and had a pretty huge crowd of people along with a helpful drunk guy homeless man who continuously blew a whistle (I guessed to add to the musicality of the show). 

After the show I found this little feira in the same park so y'know, I had to buy some R$2 earrings.

Then, walking back to Cinelandia I hear the Brazilian National Anthem blasting in the street.  It's a pretty majestic anthem and I must say, I do like it.

Anyway, I could see this homelesss guy up ahead (side note: the down and out are what add to the charm of Centro).  So this guy is really homeless and it seems like it's been a while since he ate or took a shower.  And he's, like, belting out the national anthem, pumping his hands to his chest in pride and all.  I thought, 'man, this guy is so clearly in a tough spot and could easily blame his country for his problems or for not helping him more but instead, here he is, proud as hell to be Brazilian and letting everybody know it.'

I smiled at him and gave him two thumbs up.

Today was sunny and warm and a very entertaining day in o centro da cidade. 

Aaaaand I'm back

Well, blank page.  We meet again.

After a 3 week hiatus from writing (or reading) any blogs, I'm going to actively try to get a new one out there.  It's not going to be easy - actually lately the pressure to write has felt so high that it turned me off of blogging altogether.  I'm just saying.  Sometimes I need to take a moment and remember WHO I'm writing this for.

Me.

Now, I know it's naive - well, actually it's just plain stupid - to think that I'm writing this for myself knowing full well that people read it.  But the more lost I get in writing for other people, the more pressure I feel to keep turning out clever, funny, interesting blogs and then this turns into a job.  And I got a job.

Anyway, the whole point of starting a blog was to document my feelings and experiences in Brazil.  There.  I'm bringing it home.

To be honest, I am officially calling the last 3 weeks "The Three Weeks that I Hated Brazil and Wanted to Yell Right In People's Faces (In English) and Just Go Home Already" Period.  Yeah, that about sums up my feelings of the last 3 weeks.
Actually it's been quite a while since I've felt any real rage towards Brazil.  The beginning had a lot, a lot of frustration and not understanding things, culturally and language-wise.  Then there would be occasional bouts of rage that generally lasted a day or a weekend.  They usually fizzled out after some quality time talking to someone from home or with my Honey.  But the last 3 weeks have been one big giant rage.
I hate meeting new Brazilians during these periods because, like clockwork, they will undoubtedly ask me if I'm gostando de Brasil?  And my answer at that moment is, not really.  And then they are sad.  Hey, you asked.

Ok, I almost started to type out exactly what it is that I'm not liking but I am actively trying to get past these rage-y feelings and I felt them start to bubble up inside me as soon as I started to type.  So, I'm not going to share specifics but it's nothing that any of my fellow ex-pats haven't experienced at one point or another.  It's not a secret why I've been feeling frustration and loneliness.  In fact, I'm sure that it's pretty crystal clear.

ANYWAY.  Moving on.

There are certain things I've been doing to relax myself and cope with my emotions.  Here's my list of things I try to do when I'm feeling crappy.

1.  Get a weekly manicure/pedicure.  Find a place that you like.  Don't settle for a crappy place just because your Family says it's cheaper.  If your manicure is awesome and costs R$10 more, who f'ing cares.  And do it because YOU want to feel pretty and pampered, not because everyone else does it. (Even though they do)

2.  Work out.  Even though it might kill you when you are down in the dumps and you might complain the entire time, you'll feel better later.   I can't say I've been doing really well at point #2 lately so if you're not feeling it, go directly to point #3.  

3.  Eat.  Nothing some good chocolate can't cure. Or chips. Or baking cookies/brownies.  Or pizza.

4.  Drink.  Alcohol, that is.  Yeah yeah, so they say it's a depressant.  Shut up.  I'm depressed and I want to get drunk.

5.  Get out of the house and buy something.  Go on.  You know you'll feel better if you have some new candles for the bedroom, or that shirt/belt/television you can't afford.  Whatever thing you like to buy that always makes you feel better for the rest of the day, go and buy it.

6.  Sleep.  So you want to sleep until 4 or 5 pm?  I say, fine by me.  I realize that this option isn't available to everyone but if it's an option for you, go ahead and indulge.

7.  Download all of the seasons of *insert favourite show here* and watch them all.  In one day.  I am currently on Season 6 of Sex and the City.  Past favourites include How I Met Your Mother, The Office, Glee, Breaking Bad and Friends.

So while the items on my list of helpful coping mechanisms don't actually make you productive, healthy or get you out of your slump, they do just what they intend to do.  Help you cope.
Sometimes being social (especially because you have to speak Portuguese) is even worse.  Sometimes it's good.  Depends on how good your Portuguese is (or their English). 

But as well as I know myself, I know that this slumpy period will pass.  It's just taking a little longer this time.  For now, I'm going to implement a little #2 followed by a #7 which may be later followed by a little #3 and #4.  We'll see how I feel.

Things always get better!

I have spoken A LOT of Portuguese this weekend.  I'm drunk right now so I can't really go into a lot of detail, but not for lack of trying!!! 

Sunday night - GOD this 'weekend' (Sunday - Tuesday) feels like a weekend for me.  All of my Monday students cancelled because of Brazilian Independence Day today.  All of my Tuesday students as well!  But why doesn't anyone do anything for Independence Day here?!?!?!?!  Fireworks?  Barbeques?  Parties??  No???

Então, I spend the afternoon grocery shopping with minha sogra and partying with minha cunhada.  GOOD TIMES!  I'm glad I convinced my MIL to go shopping because I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't helped her, she wouldn't have gone. Food in house, check one.

My SIL invited me to a barbeque (not for Independence Day - just a coincidence) of a friend who I know so I went and ended up knowing a couple of others there (hey, what's this now? I know people in the neighbourhood??).  It was a good ol' caipirinha time there.

On Sunday night I went ALONE to a churrasco at my husband's Aunt's house.  Alone without my husband but with my family.  Afterwards the cousins went to Casa Rosa in Larangeiras.  That place was really fun.  And really fun going with some peope who I can actually consider my FAMILY.  I've never gone out with my cousins before so I feel priviledged that my 'new' family lives close and I can spend some time with them. 

I really wish I could be more specific right now but I'm more or less just reporting on what's new.  I really like reading Fiona's blog because she has articulated so much nicer the things that I felt (and still feel) about adjusting to life here. 

All I can say, people, is that it gets better if you want it to.  You just have to find the things you like (it's not always easy - it takes effort, sometimes a lot of effort and sometimes too much effort) and, like Rachel said, you can't be picky about your friends.  You may just find yourself spending time with people, though, who you never expected to be friends with.  It's kind of a fantastic thing, this living abroad. 

Sometimes I feel like I can't stand it anymore and sometimes I feel like I could live here forever.

Ruffles Don't Taste the Same in Rio

 It's true, folks.  They don't.  For any of you hoping to find the same comfort snacks you go to at home in North America/Europe/GB, look again.  Or stock up. 

First, I'm a chip fan.  Well, I'm also a big chocolate fan.  But I often crave chips.  Salty, original Ruffles to be exact.  While, YES they do have Ruffles here (original as well as Steak flavour or cream cheese???) (oh and P.S. they pronounce them HUFFLES - beware when asking) they just don't taste the same!  Not quite as salty or the potato is different.  I can't put my finger on it exactly.  But I have discovered a LOVELY alternative to my adored Huffles. 

Sencacoes!  They are the Brazilian equivalent of Lays but are much saltier and therefore much more delicious.  Ya baby. 

Another issue I have is with the size of chocolate bars here.  In Brazil, chocolate bars are only sold in HALLOWE'EN CANDY size.  This is ridiculous frankly.  When I decide I want chocolate, I am committing.  Committing to the caloric intake and committing to the amount of chocolate I want in my belly.  This 75 calories a bar stuff, well, it just isn't enough.  But then again, when I think about it, I'm satisfied after eating one.  And it's pretty ridiculous that they sell KING size chocolate bars in Canada.  So fine, Brazil.  You can have this one.

Final gripe about snacks in Brazil is COOKIES.  Brazil has never seen a cookie.  This is what Brazil thinks is a cookie.  

Your eyes do not deceive you.  They are all small, hard and perfect circles.  Often filled with an icing in the middle.  They don't even have Oreo!!!  Oh sorry, they have 'Negresco.'  Not Oreo.  If you're gonna do small hard and perfect circles, at least make it an Oreo.  The only one here that is a square shape is Passa Tempo which I will vouch for because Passa Tempo is daaaaaaamn good. 

But where are the Christie chocolate chip cookies?  Oreos?  Mrs. Fields softies?

Bah!  I'm going to eat my 75 calorie Twix (that and Snickers are the only American chocolate bars you'll find!)

 

Going out in Rio

So lately I've been going through this drinking phase where I find myself drinking and getting drunk about 2-3 times a week.  This is more than I normally drink (especially to the point of drunk) but it has to do with my new-found obsession desire to have a social life.  I've always enjoyed drinking - love wine, beer, mixed drinks ... I'm not picky.  It's just that I'm finding the only sure way of making friends is
a) in the bar, and
b) whilst drinking

I've mentioned going out a few times to this Irish Bar in Ipanema that is pretty awesome. I mean, yes it's half-filled with tourists but they speak English! The upside is, obviously, that I can hang out, get wasted have some beers and socialize in English. The downside is that they are mostly all here temporarily (leaving in a month, leaving in a week, leaving tomorrow).

I suppose this is the permanent downside to being a foreigner in another country. If you make friends with other foreigners, it's almost always a temporary friendship. Somebody will leave someday.

But while that all sounds depressing, it's been the most amazing thing for my overall level of happiness here lately. I've met quite a few temporary friends just by going to the bar and talking to people. Even if it doesn't go further than that, at least I feel reassured by the fact that I AM still sociable and I DON'T just stay home with Ro all the time (as my sister-in-law so lovingly pointed out - I will also mention that she shared her opinions without being asked for them (that good ol' Brazilian Honesty) and it was actually said as more of a criticism. I really need to go out and 'talk' to people and make friends because it's not 'healthy' to stay at home so much).  I digress.  That's a whole other blog.

Anyway!  I've also made friends with a couple guys from my second school who are really nice people. Always up for some beers, some music and general hanging out. So, tonight, I am going to meet up with them in Lapa for some drinking and samba and whatever!

Good times.  Yes, good times.

More on making friends in Rio

 

So, making friends in Brazil.  You've heard the rumours.  Brazilians are so so nice and so so friendly.  It should be a cinch to make friends then, right?  Not wrong, but not totally right.  In my experience with trying to make friends with Brazilians, I've sort of come up feeling shortchanged.  The conversations can be alright, especially if they speak a little English.  It usually turns into an amusing attempt at conversation with both sides making multiple errors and ultimately bonding over the fact that you are both making a fool of yourself in the other's language.

On the other hand, when you do speak Portuguese, and the person you're speaking with is relatively open-minded, they are pretty good to try and make you feel comfortable, translating occasional words into English (albeit you already know those words, but it's the thought, right?)

I had been getting a little bit tired of this though.  Friendships are never really truly developed.  Deep, meaningful conversations are never truly had.  There are too many pauses, stumbles, stutters... (for now at least). 

And another challenge for me has been the whole 'I live on the other side of the planet' thing.  I live in a neighborhood on the far west end of Rio.  I mean far.  You think Barra da Tijuca is far?  I live past Barra.... It really is the same experience that any of you living in a small town (or Niteroi) have.  You are surrounded by Brazilians who have lived there their whole lives.  Their families live there (both sides if they're married).  Their friends live there.  Cliques are made and although I've been invited out by my lovely SIL to join in, it never really evolves beyond that.

So I decided as of late that I need to get me some friends the good old fashioned way.  Just totally interrupting whatever they're doing and pushing my way in!

I probably should point out that I can only do this when I hear people speaking English and I can only find English people in Zona Sul.  On the subway, looking at a map on the street, in a bar...There's nothing that brings people together more than going up to someone speaking English in a bar full of Brazilians with your best 'Night at the Roxbury' opening... "you? me? you? me? you? me?"

Works every time.

I went to the only 'Irish Pub' in Rio last night (Shenanigans) looking for some friends.  The second I heard them (there were only 3) walk by me I practically ran out to the balcony after them. (Another 'keep in mind', I had arrived at 6 for happy hour, it was now 9:30 and I was already 3 1/2 pints in - Oh yes, I was alone in a bar. Big deal, wanna fight about it?)

At least you know you always have a good opening line when approaching other foreigners.  Especially when your goal truly is to make friends and not to pick up. (This makes it substantially harder, I might add!)
But it's like winning a game when you are well received by your chosen victims and they respond well to your methods, which are rather unconventional.  I sound like a goddamn vampire/molester.  English teacher by day, Vampire Molester by night.  That is, a vampire who molests people, I don't molest vampires.... what are you, sick?? 

Anyway, my friendship attack went pretty well - we exchanged emails and talked about meeting up again sometime.  It can definitely be tricky to make friends with the opposite sex.  I try to keep things reeeeeally casual and name drop my husband a lot.  Not in an annoying 'Just so you know I have a HUSBAND' way but in a protective 'Back off! Get your own sandwich!" kind of way...

See this Canadian commercial to know what I'm referencing here...




ANYWAY!
Friends are working their way into my life.  I would love to make good friends with some Brazilians here but I just have to keep working on the Portuguese bit by bit.  If I were to make this blog into a 'tip' blog, my #1 tip for people moving to Brazil (or any foreign country for that matter) is:

1. BACK OFF! GET YOUR OWN SANDWICH!
and my #2 tip is
2. LEARN HOW TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE!! YOU'RE A FOOL IF YOU DON'T!