Taxi Cab Confessions

 Lovely rainy, cool day today.  It's really awesome, I love it.  It also gives me a good excuse not to take the bus (which I hate) and take a taxi (which I hate less).  Actually, I love taxis - I just don't like to spend money on them.

Inside my comfortable, plush, spacious and cool taxi cab today, I find myself in conversation with the driver.  He's making the usual taxi cab small talk.  "Are you excited for Carnaval?"  "Do you live in Jacarepagua"  (and now that enough evidence of my accent has been exposed) "You're not Brazilian, are you?"

Taxi Cab Driver and I start discussing how it's nice to have an international relationship to learn about different countries and cultures.  He tells me "ah yeah, eu namorei com um francesa.  Ela ja voltou para Franca e queria para mim mudar la com ela, mas 'tava complicado... porque eu sou casado... tenho filhos... entendeu?"

Um. Yes. I entendi. 

So, let me get this straight (and now reveal for the non-Portuguese speakers)... you are openly admitting to me that you used to have a French girlfriend while you were married who wanted you to move to France but you couldn't because it was complicated??

When did this turn into an episode of Taxi Cab Confessions?


The honesty isn't even what is shocking.  It's more about the fact that it seems like too many people are advocates for cheating here!  Remember Rachel's post on cheating?  70% of Brazilian men are cheating or have cheated?  I have a good friend here who rooms with some older Brazilian ladies who have lived here their whole lives.  In these ladies' opinions, cheating is a part of life.  You can't, and shouldn't, expect your partner to be faithful.

Pair with it a general culture of overt sexuality; private motels for hookers couples - No wait, I change it back; women who identify themselves as 'feminine' and think they have power by exploiting their sexuality; men who think they run the place and treat others like meat... and the cycle continues.  Clearly I'm generalizing but I'm also not.

My whole point is that this culture of accepting cheating is done by both parties.  Men cheat and women accept.  The only reason I'm not giving the statistic the other way around is that my guess is in a masochistic society, the woman is around to serve and stay faithful.  I guess if they're ok with it in their own love triangles, ok for them.

But that is not for me.  In fact, I strongly believe that once you've committed yourself to another person (and if you both have made an agreement that you will be faithful to each other) cheating is 100% unacceptable.  That includes suggestive texting, suggestive messages on FB or anything that involves hiding something from your partner out of fear of them finding out.

That Taxi Cab Driver did not get a tip.

When It Rains, It Stinks

It´s rainy today.  Actually, it´s been rainy for the past two days.  The worst thing about the rain is the stink in the city.  There is a distinct ´wet human´ smell that I can smell as it walks towards me, from 5 meters away.  The thing is, on a regular day the 'poor unfortunate souls' spread out on the street, but when it starts to rain, they naturally take shelter.  So then there are 5 super stinky people all standing together at the top of the metro, under the roof of the office building, or blocking the sidewalk, inside the elevator, and on the metro.  I have started to anticipate when the stink starts and am able to inhale deeply right at the moment of contact, hold it, hold it, hold it and slowly exhale for a good 5 meters past the smell. 

Yeah, so, it stinks is what I´m trying to say. 

The other thing about the rain, which is pretty consistent with most cities (but maybe a little more here) is how the city slows down to HALF the normal slow speed.  Why is there a completely stopped traffic jam at 10:30 in the morning on the way to Zona Sul?  Because there is the threat of rain!  I swear, these Carioca´s slow down because it´s a little windy out.  Add to it the fact that I'm already late (all the time), so this stresses me out just a lil.   Actually, the only ones who DON'T slow down (and coincidentally the only ones who probably should slow down during rain) are BUSES.  Actually, buses probably speed up in the rain, taking their already alarming speed up to near death experience/could drive off the road and flip the entire bus speed.

Did I mention I saw a bus yesterday that had driven off the road?  Yeah, it was definitely in the ditch.  I saw this from the window of the bus I was on which was THE SAME ROUTE!

Anyway, enjoy the rain!

Yayyyy! (note sarcasm)

Yeah, so riding along on the bussy bus this afternoon to my class.  Sitting close to the front.  Guy gets on.  I can smell him before he crosses the threshold.

He has a fresh can of beer in hand.  Now, I realize it's legal to drink in public here in Brazil but it still shocks me to see people actually taking the country up on this offer.  Especially in places that you really don't need to be drinking.  Like the bus.

So he is trying to get through the gate and the lady (who is one of the horrible customer service people we are all talking about in Danielle's blog!) is taking her sweet time, not even looking up at the guy.  So he starts pushing against the gate, pushing and pushing and pushing in a real rocking "drunk in public" sort of way.  She finally gets the hint and lets him through (still not even looking at him - shocking I know).  He falls sits down on the seat and opens his beer with one dirty hand, which of course explodes all over his dirty hand.  Can't waste a drop! so he licks it all off.

I'm watching him, just plain interested in this guy who obviously hasn't a care in the world.  Watching as he chugs his beer.  Watching as he starts prying the tab of the can off.  Watching as he successfully removes the tab.  Watching as he takes the tab, opens his mouth, and sticks it all the way down the back of his throat.  Wait... wait a minute.  WHAT did he just do???????  Did he just eat that beer can tab??  Oh yes, my friends.  Yes he did.

Okkkk... so now y'know, it's just weird and neurotic.  My actual first thought was WTF?  My second thought was "good luck pooping that out!"

So the bus starts to get a little more crowded.  Then a little more and a little more until I can't see him anymore.  THEN I smell the distinct smell of tobacco.  I'm like, whoa... did someone JUST have a smoke and hop on the bus?  Then, I hear people start shouting "hey hey put it out!!!"
It's our old friend, the Beer Tab-Eating Guy, lighting up a cigarette ON THE BUS.  What?????  You just thought, "Well, I'm done my beer! Now it's time for my smoke!  Dum di dum!"


People are getting pretttttty agitated by this point.  Everyone is shouting at the guy and calling him names "Seu viado..." I start looking around to see if anyone is going to do anything!  Like a staff member... y'know... someone with some authority?  But low and behold... who is just sitting on her fat butt looking at her nails, either not smelling the smoke or just not caring (probably the latter...)?
Our other old friend, the Stupid Bus Lady. 


Just another day in Rio!

A giant fist shake at Rio busses!

It happened AGAIN.

I got on the wrong bus.  This time it CLEARLY said 179Recreio on the side of the bus.  I was exhausted after an already 2+ hour ride home from Centro and failed to check the front of the bus to see if the signs matched.

Long story short, they didn't.  (*Side note: Apparantly the stupid signs have to match.  It could say 179Recreio on the side but if it says 179Central on the front, it's going there.  Please see this post on why I hate busses in Rio)

Me being tired and trying to fight for an inch of space, I didn't pay attention (not that I could see anyway) to where we were going until about 20 minutes in when I noticed we were going through a tunnel.  There are no tunnels on the way to Recreio.  Then we passed through a toll.  There are no tolls on the way to Recreio.  I had already whipped my phone out to cry to Ro that I did it again.

I got off at the first stop after the highway ended which happend to be a pretty scary looking favela town!  Luckily, Ro came to my rescue.  Good thing too because if I had stayed any longer I would have surely been robbed.  Sigh!  Frustration.

blisters on my feet and sometimes I hate transit in Rio!

Ugh!  So.  Busses in Rio.  They are hella complicated.  First of all, there does not exist any kind of schedule to be found online nor any phone number that can help direct you to the right bus.  How do you know which bus to take, you ask?  You just have to ask people!  Seriously.  Ask the guy on the street, ask people on the bus, ask the driver.  Just ask.  And how do you know what time the bus comes? You don't. You just wait.  Wait at a stop and hope that a bus that you need comes by.  Yeah, seems a little prehistoric to me too.

So, today after my class I had to exchange something at the mall.  Well, I should have worn flip flops because walking around in pointy heels makes your feet feel like they're on fire.  I actually think I saw sparks.
Also, side note, Barra Shopping is, like, the biggest mall in the entire world and I don't know my way around.  My feet were HURTING.

Anyway, when it was finally time to take the bus I couldn't stand any longer.  So, in comes the other confusing part of Rio transit.  At a major bus terminal there is absolutely no order.  Busses come and go without any direction as to where your bus is going to stop.  Also, amongst this madness, enter buses with the same line number but heading in opposite directions.  Tonight I learned this the hard way.

I waited for quite a while for a bus heading toward Recreio.  Seems that many people were waiting a long time because when the 179 bus came in, about a hundred people ran toward it.  Actually, the line was so long that I went to sit down again because my feet were hurting worse than ever.  When I had my chance, I jumped on.  Another lady jumped on behind me and asked the driver if we were going to Recreio and I heard him answer yes.  So, I paid my R$2.35 and got the last seat.  Then, I saw the same lady get off the bus one stop later.  It was then that I realized that this bus wasn't going to Recreio, it was the same 179 going the opposite way!  PUXA!!!!!  So I ran to the woman who takes the money and confirmed what I already knew.  But she spoke to me so quickly I could barely understand and then she continued watching the road, clearly not interested in the fact that I was on the wrong bus!  All I could ask her was "ok, so what can I do now??"  She told me I had to get off the bus and cross to the other side of the highway street.  No, actually it's a highway.  A major one.  With like 12 lanes.  And nowhere to cross.  Yet, I'm still expected to cross.  This is Rio.

The thing that really pissed me off is that I asked her for my money back but she said that because I had already gone through the turnstile, I couldn't have it!  AND they don't have transfers here.  PUXAAAA!!!!  MY FEET HURT!!!!

So, I got off the bus because what other choice did I have?  By that point, I'm serious, my feet had swollen up and I had crazy blisters happening.  The distance across the highway looked about 10 miles long.  The traffic didn't seem to be be stopping in either direction.  I was literally (figuratively) (haha anyone watch How I Met Your Mother?) dragging my feet behind me.  One. At. A. Time.
But still, I walked.

I walked to a corner.

And I caught a cab.

My feet hurt.  :(

a guide to the 'optionals' of Rio...

As the name implies, I will share with you some of the things I have observed so far as 'optional', or, the rule is only a suggestion, do whatever you want.


1. Seatbelts. The law in Brazil is that the passengers in the front seat have to wear their seatbelts and are excellent (as far as I know) with following this rule. However, seatbelts in the back are NOT mandatory and often are not even available. In the several cabs we have taken so far, fastening my seatbelt isn't even my own decision to make. Let me also clarify that driving here isn't organized and orderly either. No, no, we are driving like f'ing maniacs at the speed of light until AAAAAHHHHHHH VIOLENT SWERVE WTF WAS THAT?? oh it was just an ENORMOUS pothole in the ground! We couldn't hit it! Of course, what was I thinking? PS. the prior conversation is taken from actual events.

2. One way streets. Drive the way they say or don't! It's totally up to you.

3. Stopping at red lights. This one is tricky... where the PROPER thing to do is slow down come to a complete stop for 3 seconds the BRAZILIAN thing to do is slow down look a little and keep on going! Or slow down and honk is acceptable, flash your lights is also acceptable and pretty much it becomes treated as a stop sign.
***Aside***
I do realize that this is because of safety here. Stopping at red lights at night presents the risk of being robbed or carjacked (all things that COULD happen) but this fascinating event happens at all hours of the day. I don't know if I buy the safety thing... ;) I kid I kid...

That completes my list of optionals for now. Stay tuned for more.

PS I'm currently watching Family Guy in Portuguese. I don't get it. :|