Holiday Time!

La la la!  I'm off to Mexico today for a very exciting holiday!  A very good Canadian friend of mine is getting married in Mexico so we're off to the land of sombreros, tequila and mariachis!  Don't forget your poncho!

I felt it necessary to point out that my friend is Canadian (living in Canada) and not Brazilian because everyone who I've told about this wedding thinks that having a wedding abroad is 'que chique'.  And, well, I suppose it is, but the fact is travel from Canada is so relatively cheap!

Travel from Brazil, I'll have you know, is not.

In fact, its hella complicated!  For one thing, the all-inclusive resort concept is only just starting to creep into people's collective travel brains.
(In the collective-thought Brazilian-travel-brain, people go (and want to go - for unknown reasons even... this is a collective thought brain) to New York, Miami, and most recently Cancun - I will bet you a million dollars that if you ask any Brazilian where they would travel to if they could go anywhere, they would say one of those 3 places.  And if it's Europe, they want to go to Portugal.)

So because this kind of travel is not so common here, we booked though wedding package group but had to book a flight separately.  Booked through orbitz.com (which had the best prices of all) but finding a flight for $800 return each (yay!) means that we're taking about 4 flights to get to the wedding (boooourns!!!!!!) 

We are not going to Cancun (thank God for that!  Please don't go to Cancun.... it's way way way too touristy)  We are going to Puerto Vallarta (I'm sure will be touristy as well but it's less popular) and after the week in PVR we'll be branching out to 'backpack' some cities.  Actually, I'm not bringing a backpack this time, so we'll be branching out to 'suitcase' some cities.

On the itinerary is Guadalajara, Guanajuato and final stop Mexico City.  Caaaaaaaaan't Wait!  This will be my 3rd time in Mexico and it is a really cool country.  

I'll do my best to update on the where/when/why/how of all these places so if faced with the choice, you don't have to automatically go to Cancun.

Today we leave in about T-4 hours with our final arrival point being 28 hours after we leave.  Can I just take this moment for a blank stare?  :-|  Blink blink.  Yes, 28 hours from now, we will be in sunny Puerto Vallarta.

Yikes.

It's all worth it to see my best friend get married though and, did I mention, we'll also be celebrating two years of marriage while we're there too.  Happy happy days ahead!!

Boa viagem!

I Heart My Bike

Inspired by Danielle's blog about her quest for an appropriate gym, I thought I'd share some of the exercise in which I've been partaking. 

I won't even bother with the details of our gym search in our new place in Jacarepagua (like how one gym doesn't even LET you do several necessary exercises, or how one gyms equipment was practically falling apart and ripping the skin from my thighs).  No, I will not bother with that.

We did find a gym that is pretty good.  We're happy enough (even though they close on Sundays, blast!).  It's decent. 

But sometimes it's hard to go... Y'know we're tired after work, I'm too fat and lazy... blah blah blah!  We were also pretty used to getting around via bicicleta in Canada so we bought ourselves some bikes to make the trip to the gym easier (irony???) and just to generally get around. 

Lately, Ro took it upon himself to be CRAZY and start biking to work.  When I say crazy, I mean really out of his mind.  It's about a 16 km ride each way.  Throw in there a day of work and you got yourself one crazy mo-fo.  So, logically, I was jealous (as I usually am when he starts doing more exercise than me).  I got myself so jealous-ed up that I decided "Fine!  You wanna ride to work?  I'M gonna ride to work!"  Right.  Totally logical and sane and not at all obsessively competitive. 

So today was my first bike ride to work.  It's definitely less distance but still about 10-11 km each way.  My class starts at 7am which meant leaving the house at 6am.  I had my bag packed... my little flat shoes and cardigan tucked inside, my music ready, a towel to absorb all the buckets of sweat sure to come out of my face and armpits and probably butt. 
Oh shush, you know your butts get sweaty.  Try sitting down after a workout and see if there's not a sweat stain on that seat.  If there isn't, you didn't work hard enough!

Ahem.  Pardon me.  So I ride.  And about 30 seconds in I ride over some glass!  Then I think the tire is leaking air.  It didn't look that flat before, did it?  I panic.  I almost actually just give up, right there, after 30 seconds.  The fastest give up ever!  I call Ro.  He tells me to put air in the tire.  I whine I've never put air in the tire before!  He says it's ridiculously easy.  I whine, maybe to you, you've done it before! 
(P.S.  It IS ridiculously easy... perhaps the one thing that Brazil has that is far easier than N. America!) 

Moving on.  I figured out how to put the air and I'm happy again.  I ride.  As I ride, I pass many men who are on there way to work.  I laugh at how 'prepared' I am for this bike ride and how these guys are biking in flip flops and bent up tires.  Seriously bent up.  Every guy I pass looks at me and about half of them ding their wimpy little bells and kiss at me.  Brrrring brrrrrring!  One guy passes wearing a drywall mask and a towel on his head and gives me a long, heart-felt brrrrrrrrring!  How did he know that paper-masked men ringing bicycle bells are what really get me excited???  I was feeling preeeeetty confident after that one!

When I finally arrive at my students' office, I am literally a hot, sweaty mess.  But the trip took longer than I thought so I had to run in without a chance to rinse off.  After sitting in a plastic chair for an hour in the same pants I rode in in... what do you think I left behind?  A big, embarrassing, sweaty butt mark! 

But I did feel pretty freaking awesome so I'm afraid my student will have to endure my sweatiness... at least once a week. 

Moral of the story. 
Biking is...
good for your soul
good for your legs
good for the environment
good for your stress

Biking is...
bad for your butt (sweat)
bad for your students' chair
bad for your student in general
bad for your ego (or do I mean good? wink wink)

Moral of the moral = Get a bike!

Big bootie, small boobies? You're good!

When I got to Brazil, it was observed (verbally) by many that I had "such big legs".  You may or may not remember a little term that Danielle invented called "Brazilian Honesty".  I have adopted this term for myself because it is oh-such-a-thing.  Anyway, on several separate occassions people have looked at my legs and actually exclaimed "Wow, you have such big legs!"

So, how would you react to that comment? 

Initially, obviously, I was a little insulted.  Not only do you NOT need to comment on my physical appearance, but you definitely do NOT need to highlight my flaws so dramatically!  I didn't say to you "Damn that is a gigantic ass!  No really, it is truly enormous... the biggest I've ever seen".  

Y'see, the thing is, if I HAD said that, the person to whom I was speaking would MOST LIKELY reply "oh my god thank you!  oh wow you're sooooo nice!"

Y'see my friends... contrary to our beauty ideals up in the snowy north and in the US of A... in Brazil the bigger your legs and ass, the better!  If I hadn't been so defensive all along, I'd have realized, like a smack in the face, that these people were COMPLIMENTING me. 

Ohhhhhhh!  I get it now. 

So when the saleslady in the dress store exclaims with enthusiasm "Wow, you have such nice big calves!" I have to understand that she is saying, "I would kill for calves (do we still pluralize like baby cows?) like those that barely fit into pant legs!"

And when my gay friend Joaozinho (yes, you Joaozinho) says one night "Oh. My. God. You have Such. Big. Legs!" I have to know he's saying "I'll protect you and pretend to be your boyfriend tonight cus the guys gon' go cah-razy!" 

You'll notice the way girls exercise at the gym too that generally about 80% of their workout is legs and ass, with probably about 60% of that chunk (pun inTENded) being ass-only.  I cried to Ro last night about it because I don't WANNA do that much ass at the gym!!  I don't like it!  It's hard!  But if I want a killer ass, well, I'd better hop to it. 

Also, as a final vote of confidence for my Big-Legged Beauties... the bigger the ass but the SMALLER the boobies is also a vote your way.  To be bottom-heavy/top-light is the way to go here, girls.  So if you felt/feel judged in the America to the North, please come take a trip down to Brazil.  I promise within 3 days of arriving your concerns about your fat ass and thighs will float right away, straight into a bikini and an ice cold beer!

Yoga in Brazil

I've always been a pretty big yoga-doer (I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a Yogi but hey, you feel free).  Trouble is, I haven't really found any serious yoga here that really appealed to me.  To be fair, I've only tried about 4 different classes.  But doing yoga in Brazil really made me realize something... 

Part of why I love yoga is the encouragement and language used to help you deepen your movements and breath.  And, well, yoga in Portuguese doesn't have quite the same effect!  Especially when I really don't know the specific yoga language in Port and I was constantly turning my head to see what everyone else was doing.  Little hard to relax like that. 

So I was a bit turned off of even finding a class here (that and the yoga at the gym was not at a convenient time for me).  I'm not so into pilates (and they have lots and lots of pilates here) so basically I just gave up on yoga.

Recently we joined the gym close to our house and I tried the yoga class there.  It was so totally against all yoga principals that I believe I actually stopped in the middle of the class with a look of pure horror and just stared at the seemingly sweet little instructor.  Seriously, I couldn't believe it.
She was acting as a drill sergeant, screaming out "encouragement", no flow, no focus on breathing, all show.  If you're interested in the principals of yoga, this is a good article.

So, it really got me thinking back to the yoga I enjoyed in the past.  The effects of yoga had been innumerable for me.  Physically and mentally I felt connected and strong.  I used to do this this ridiculously amazing video with my favourite yogi Eoin Finn.  You can find the video available for sale on amazon here.  Seriously, eez best maan.  Anyway, something had to be done about the lack of yoga in my life.

Unfortunately I left my copy of the video at home though so in a very non yoga way, I looked for some pirated videos.  I found one called Power Yoga with Rodney Yee, another great instructor.  Then I went and bought a yoga mat.  The brand I bought is called Body Up and I got it from the gym in New York Shopping in Barra.  It is AWEESOMMMMEEEEEE.  Like, I was ridiculously happy just because of this mat.  A little pricey at R$95 but it came with a case and it's a nice colour.  It has excellent grip and has the Om symbol at the top as a guide for your feet.

 

So the moral of this story.  Tonight I did my yoga class in my living room with my new mat.  Do you ever do an activity that makes you so happy that you just smile involuntarily all the way through?  It was just that good.  The only other two activities that make me do that are Zumba and Body Jam.

Finally, if you are interested in a yoga studio in Rio, I found this yoga network that mentions all of the studios associated with this Registered Yoga Association.  Here you go!

Have fun and namaste :)

Things I've Started to Appreciate

I've had an epiphany of sorts and it's helped me turn my frame of mind.

When I first got to Brazil, I was pretty consumed with everything I missed about home and every aspect of Brazil that didn't live up to my desires.  But I've met a friend.  And I've moved into my own apartment.  For anyone who underestimates the importance, value and raw necessity of friends and personal space - I am your living proof that these two elements alone will improve your quality of life x 1,000,000.  I exaggerate you not.  Especially if you are living in a foreign country. 

If you want to be really really happy, you should also get a cat or two and some plants.

I'm currently mothering two little cats (we got a second one in the last 2 weeks! Little José... ) and I'm growing basil, lemon balm, corriander, green onion and cat grass.

I also read the bible to orphans on weekends.  haha.  No, no I don't do that. 

Things I currently like about Brazil:

- Eating fresh mamão (papaya) in the morning with honey from my BeeHive Keeper.  Ok, yeah right, I wish I had a BeeHive Keeper but I coincidentally met this guy at the market on Sunday who keeps hives so he's my unofficial honey provider. 

- Salgados all varieties, but most preferably joelho's - tasty little bread shaped knees filled with delicious ham and cheese or other wonderful flavours.

- Fresh herbs sooooo cheap and SOOOO BEAUTIFUL.  The most beautiful basil I've ever seen.  I swear I would divorce my husband just to marry a bunch of basil.

- Cats!  I love 'em, I pet 'em, I kiss 'em, I talk baby talk to 'em, I have two of 'em... cats cats cats!






***PICTURE STILL UNAVAILABLE! SORRY!***

- My apartment!!!!!!!!  It's so comfortable and AWESOME to walk around your own house in your undies or less.  Or more!!! Hey!  It's my house and I wear what I want!

- Cooking so much food.  Extra spicy and extra onions (my MIL would absolutely curl up her face in disgust at both of those options).





Ahhhhh.... life is GOOD!  We live in an apartment surrounded by favelas (Cidade de Deus is literally right down the street), and it's fantastic.  It's real.  It's hard.  It's simple.  It's Brazil!

Taxi Cab Confessions

 Lovely rainy, cool day today.  It's really awesome, I love it.  It also gives me a good excuse not to take the bus (which I hate) and take a taxi (which I hate less).  Actually, I love taxis - I just don't like to spend money on them.

Inside my comfortable, plush, spacious and cool taxi cab today, I find myself in conversation with the driver.  He's making the usual taxi cab small talk.  "Are you excited for Carnaval?"  "Do you live in Jacarepagua"  (and now that enough evidence of my accent has been exposed) "You're not Brazilian, are you?"

Taxi Cab Driver and I start discussing how it's nice to have an international relationship to learn about different countries and cultures.  He tells me "ah yeah, eu namorei com um francesa.  Ela ja voltou para Franca e queria para mim mudar la com ela, mas 'tava complicado... porque eu sou casado... tenho filhos... entendeu?"

Um. Yes. I entendi. 

So, let me get this straight (and now reveal for the non-Portuguese speakers)... you are openly admitting to me that you used to have a French girlfriend while you were married who wanted you to move to France but you couldn't because it was complicated??

When did this turn into an episode of Taxi Cab Confessions?


The honesty isn't even what is shocking.  It's more about the fact that it seems like too many people are advocates for cheating here!  Remember Rachel's post on cheating?  70% of Brazilian men are cheating or have cheated?  I have a good friend here who rooms with some older Brazilian ladies who have lived here their whole lives.  In these ladies' opinions, cheating is a part of life.  You can't, and shouldn't, expect your partner to be faithful.

Pair with it a general culture of overt sexuality; private motels for hookers couples - No wait, I change it back; women who identify themselves as 'feminine' and think they have power by exploiting their sexuality; men who think they run the place and treat others like meat... and the cycle continues.  Clearly I'm generalizing but I'm also not.

My whole point is that this culture of accepting cheating is done by both parties.  Men cheat and women accept.  The only reason I'm not giving the statistic the other way around is that my guess is in a masochistic society, the woman is around to serve and stay faithful.  I guess if they're ok with it in their own love triangles, ok for them.

But that is not for me.  In fact, I strongly believe that once you've committed yourself to another person (and if you both have made an agreement that you will be faithful to each other) cheating is 100% unacceptable.  That includes suggestive texting, suggestive messages on FB or anything that involves hiding something from your partner out of fear of them finding out.

That Taxi Cab Driver did not get a tip.

Banking in Brazil

You've all heard the rumours.  Bureaucracy in Brazil is a nightmare, everything takes 10x longer to complete than other places, everything is disorganized and inconsistent and you just end up wanting to kill yourself (or someone around you) before the whole thing is done.

Oh, did I say rumour? I meant the absolute god-awful truth. 

So, yet another experience trying integrate myself into Brazil has been opening a bank account.  I've actually gone a whole year without one, which wasn't so bad because I was squatting at my in-laws.  I didn't have a lot of 'money-management' to worry about.  Living on cash made me feel like a millionaire and when it was gone, I just couldn't do any more things! 

Now, I need to up the responsibility factor.  That and it's so much easier for students to be able to pay for their classes by making deposits directly into my account.  I've heard that opening a bank account requires a lot of information ie. Your CPF, your Brazilian ID, a proof of income (if you want a chequing account), a proof of address (that can ONLY be a a fixed telephone line or a gas bill), your first-born son, a skin sample and a pap test done by one of their official Bank Doctors.  (Ok those last 3 I made up but I swear to God it would be easier to give my first-born child if it would just get me a damn bank card already!)

So I head on into a Bradesco (because that's where my husband banks).  Well, the first trip in, I ended up waiting for 2 hours and falling asleep before being wakened by my husband to say that we had to go because I had to get back to work.  Alright, I could chalk it up to a bout of bad luck that time. 

Next time, I go alone with my cpf, ID, and my cell phone bill (which is all I have in my name with my address).  I walk up to the guy sitting behind a desk at the front of the bank and I ask him to open an account.  He asks me if I would like Life Insurance with that but I'm really just looking for the most basic thing ya got. 
I showed him my cell phone bill and asked him if it would be enough to use that instead of a fixed telephone line and was so happy because he assured me that yes! It would be totally fine. 

So I go in, ready for the second marathon wait.  Surprisingly, the bank is empty, but that of course doesn't mean that people are being serviced any faster.  In fact, I asked a lady sitting at the accounts desk if I could sit down and asked me to só aguarda while she continued her ti ti ti with all the co-workers around her.  Cool, no problem.  I'm opening an account!  Nothing could go wrong today!

So after about an hour, that same lady decides to do some work and calls me over.  I sit down, give her the speech... I'm not from here but I have all the docs.  I confidently hand over my info and she takes a quick look over.  Then she says,

"Oh, you can't use this cell phone bill.  It has to be a fixed bill"
Me: Blank Stare.
Her: "Yeah, you need to come back with a fixed phone or gas bill."
Me:  "But I just asked that guy at the front of the bank if this bill would be ok and he said yes..."
Her:  "What guy?"
Me:  "That guy right there!  At the front of the bank!"
Her:  "Oh that guy?  That guy doesn't work at the bank."
Me:  Blank Stare.
Me:  "That guy wearing the Bradesco shirt, sitting at the desk, giving out information doesn't work for the bank?
Her:  "No."
Me:  "Well, maybe you should tell him to stop giving out random information???"
Her:  "Mm hmm"

Gah!  So, I left in a fury almost giving up on banking altogether.  At least after that I gave up on Bradesco. 

I decided the next week that I would try Itaú. 

I took Ro with me for sanity.  We took all the documents (learning that we needed to bring a bill in his name plus our marriage certificate to prove we live together).  Everyone was super nice in Itaú.  Really helpful.  It was our turn.  Everything was going swimmingly.  Until my CPF didn't work. 

Something about the system not reading it, something something I am going crazy.  I leave in another fury of frustration. 

I go back again today.  The Fourth Time.  I am bitter.  I am expecting problems.  I encounter more problems!
The first one is that my ID card and my CPF have diff names.  Namely, my ID doesn't have my maiden name and my CPF does.  Somehow Awesome Bank Guy overrides that.  Next.  Our bill doesn't have our CEP on it (type of postal/zip code).  Somehow Awesome Bank Guy overrides that.  I don't know what stars aligned today because despite all of the new problems of today ... I GOT MY BANK CARD!  For that, Awesome Bank Guy gets Danielle's Caught Being Good Award.

I am now a happy, satisfied customer of Itaú.  Anyone who wants to give me money, can!  Isn't that great?! 

As a final afterthought, I love how I now enter into these situations expecting problems and when I DON'T, I think it's the most awesome service experience ever.  I've been so conditioned here.